I'll start with saying, "Woohoo! Naomi is basically potty-trained! We are down to one kiddo in diapers. Whew..."
I'm writing this post to share my experience - some of this may be comical and some of this may be helpful for other moms with wee ones, but all of it will be real and authentic and candid. If you find all discussions of parents' potty training and diaper diaries to be over-shares, I definitely get that and feel free to stop reading here. :) If you want a little chuckle and a little more detail, keep on reading.
The Method
There are lots of training methods out there, so I'll start with the method I chose and why. We chose a 3 day method that can be found here. Why did I pick a 3 day method? Because the idea of 1 day seemed completely unrealistic and the idea of not having a light at the end of a tunnel seemed unbearable. Why did I pick this particular one? I liked that it emphasized the child being responsible for telling you when she needs to go potty. Naomi likes to have control and constantly says, "let me do it", so I figured this would work better than me trying to force her to sit on the potty on regular intervals. Also, while I initially had thought that we would use diapers or pull ups at night/nap times, I actually liked the logic for why this method does not do this (such as, avoids the confusion of sometimes I can go in my pants and sometimes I can't). So, both hubby and I read the 40 page e-book at least once each, gathered our supplies (potty, lots of panties, lots of crib sheets, stickers, potty/sticker chart, marshmallows, basket of rewards, etc), blocked out 4 days (just in case) and prepared to hunker down and get it done!
The Results
We did it! BUT, the 3 day method turned into more of a 7 or 8 day method. Some of this was missteps we took along the way and some of this was a little tweaking and adjusting the method for our particular kiddo using some of the suggestions in the book's FAQs coupled with our own knowledge of what makes our kid tick. I'm going to do a little day by day picture of how this went with some little lessons learned along the way and some concluding thoughts.
Day 1 - Friday
We put her in her uniform for the weekend - panties and a t-shirt. We took all of her old diapers and wipes and put them in baby sister's closet. We talked to her about being a big girl, about keeping her panties clean and dry, about telling us when she needs to go, about her awesome sticker chart and about the prizes that await her (showing her the basket of course). She seems ready and excited and so are we. All day we remind her to tell us when she needs to go potty. She has accidents all over the carpet. We try to catch her in the act and rush her to the potty like we are supposed to do. We change panties. We clean up pee. We stay positive. We cheer for her every time she sits on that potty after every accident. If even a speck of pee gets in that potty, we give her a sticker and cheer for getting pee in the potty. She seems to have pretty good bladder control - although every release
was an accident, we only had about 6 accidents including nap time. At the end of day 1, we feel like things are going as expected and we have hope for tomorrow.
Day 2 - Saturday
We start with fresh panties, fresh shirt, and a change of sheets. Things seem like they are going to go okay, but we start to realize that this is not the case at all. Naomi's stubborn streak is starting to show through. She is digging in her heels. She holds her pee for hours at a time, clearly not wanting to wet her panties, but refuses to pee in the potty. Then, she just gets to a point where she can't hold it any longer. We're learning her cues and we're having some training opportunities to rush her to the bathroom. We notice she's not drinking as much... is this a strategy? Mmm... we think so. Also once we get her into the bathroom, she now refuses to sit on the potty. We follow the book and don't force it, but if she sits on the potty, we reward her (this was really a misstep). We even whip out the marshmallows (another misstep).
A family member messages me and asks how potty training is going. My reply: "It's going... sometimes so is she... in the potty... on the potty... on the carpet... on the sheets... but she is trying so hard. She gets so upset when she has an accident no matter how positive we are." We stay positive. We put her to bed mildly discouraged, but reminding
ourselves that many kids don't "get it" until the end of day 3. We are
exhausted, but we will get it tomorrow!
Day 3 - Sunday
This was to be the day, but due to what we felt were missteps on our part on Day 2, we were fully prepared to go into Monday. Long and short of it, we did. Today we only rewarded actually peeing or pooping on the potty. We probably should have been this hard on her from the get go, but we were trying to encourage steps toward the goal (who knows, it may work with other kids and it may not have made any difference). Consequently we had several tantrums over stickers and marshmallows, but we stuck to our guns. Naomi peed and pooped in the potty one time before nap, but had accidents the rest of the day. She even had an accident while playing in the fluffy pillows on our bed (a favorite activity). I clean a lot of pee and wash a lot of laundry. I'm tired. We feel hopeful for our one success and figure that she'll get it tomorrow.
Day 4 - Monday
Repeat yesterday. Naomi again pees and poops one time. We notice that she clearly doesn't want to poop in her panties and only goes for that. Go figure, my kid does the opposite of many other kids her age. :) Otherwise, we feel completely defeated. I'm dreading tomorrow when I actually have to go out with her to teach my Jazzercise class. We read through the book's FAQs (again) and discuss trying the reward system that is suggested specifically for kids that hold their pee a long time and then have accidents like Naomi. But, something about the once a day trip to the potty left us feeling like we were on the verge and we don't want to mess up again, so we wait.
Day 5 - Tuesday
Mostly, repeat yesterday. I take Naomi to Jazzercise for my 9:35 class. She hasn't peed all morning. I know the accident is coming. She has it while I'm teaching and does get upset with herself again. Glad I was fully prepared with two changes of panties and bottoms. We get out to the car. She climbs in to stand on the floorboard, I close the door, go start to put Olivia in her car seat and I hear Naomi softly mention the potty right before it all runs down her little legs onto the floorboard. Doh! I thank Naomi for telling me and apologize for not having a potty in the car, blah blah blah, more positive stuff... I like to think I'm a pretty encouraging person, but even I am running out of gas on that front. At the end of the day, we drink a bottle of wine... each. ;)
Day 6 - Wednesday
Mostly, repeat yesterday. Again, we go to Jazzercise for my 10:40 class. Again, she hasn't peed all morning. She gets out of the car and is upset and clinging - one of her telltale signs that the pee is making her really uncomfortable. Just as I was about to give up and try to juggle carrying both kids and our bags, she has her accident in the parking lot. She clearly felt much better and then walked in just fine. I even heaved a silent sigh of relief that the accident was done and that it was in a parking lot. :) Potty training can make you thankful for the weirdest things. We went in changed clothes and went about our day. We went to swim lessons where no one but me even noticed her accidents. Oddly, when we stopped for gas, she asked to go to the potty. I unbuckled her and marched her into the QT, put her on the potty and she declared she was done (without actually doing anything). We walked back out to the car. I guess she was just running a test of the Emergency Pee Alert System.
Day 7 - Thursday (Happy 4th of July)
Mostly, repeat yesterday. We deployed the new reward system (details farther down). I took Olivia to Jazzercise with me and Naomi got her daddy all to herself. :) We got our car/travel potty yesterday so we took that with us to my uncle's house. She asked to use it once and again was off as quickly as she was on. She had accidents all over the place but was in her swimsuit a lot again, so at least there was that. We continued to feel completely defeated and at the end of our ropes. At this point, we felt that we had done everything we could, that she was very capable of doing it, that she knew what to do, and that she just needed to decide to do that. I'm sure a lot of people were thinking that I should just wait, that she wasn't ready, etc. But we stuck to it. We left her in panties 24/7. I knew she was ready and that she was just being stubborn (she comes by it honestly).
Day 8 - Friday
I don't know what was special about this day, but it was THE day that it clicked and that Naomi decided it was time to use the potty. She had accidents in the crib at nap and bedtime, but otherwise everything else went in the potty. There was one initial tantrum about the reward, but it stopped when we reiterated what she needed to do to get it and stuck to our guns. Hallelujah! PTL!
Sunday - She proudly told her friend at church that she goes pee in the potty. After her nap, she got her reward and we re-stocked the store with a new one.
Monday and Tuesday - She has been repeating, "We don't pee in the bed; we pee in the potty". I think it must be her way of trying to hammer it into her sub-conscious. She's woken up dry from nap time the past two days. Yay! Someday we'll have a dry overnight and I'll praise her so loudly.
The Winning Reward System
The book suggested having them fill a jar full of marbles to get their prize, but we opted for a round Tupperware container full of Styrofoam packing peanuts (availability and safety reasons). So, she got one packing peanut for peeing in the potty and one packing peanut for pooping. She quickly figured out that doing both nets 3 peanuts and tried for both at each opportunity. She saved up to "buy" a little flashlight projector that I got at the Dollar Spot at Target. We told her she could use it in the Midnight Zone (an Octonauts tv show reference). She was excited. She loves her crappy little flashlight. Seriously, it's the biggest hunk of junk. It says it can project around 3 feet away - the light barely escapes the flashlight itself. But she doesn't care, she loves it and is so proud of earning it. :) She is currently working her way toward a Mickey Mouse bubble wand and I've got a whole basket of stuff (that gets less exciting as you go on) to work our way through. We recently added a bonus peanut for staying dry during nap time.
Lessons Learned / Concluding Thoughts
I wish we had tried to train Naomi earlier. She peed and pooped in the potty several times on her own when we first brought Olivia home, but we figured we shouldn't try with a newborn. I wish we had... we were already home 24/7 and she was deciding to do it and we held her back. Over time I really feel that she discovered the convenience of just going in your diaper whenever and wherever and was a little too set in her ways when we finally started. The book seems to indicate that about 22 months is a great age, so I'm thinking we may try for around that time with Olivia.
Be firm and consistent... no matter what. Make clear the expectations and don't deviate (not for tantrums, not to try to just get them to sit on the potty, etc.). Praise efforts and encourage constantly, but only reward successful completion.
Make sure you and your spouse (or whoever else is participating) are on the same page, constantly. Regroup and discuss if you feel at any point that one of you is drifting off course. Also, whichever one of you is the softy (there is usually one), should not be the primary trainer.
And, next time I'll start with that reward system. I initially started with a sticker chart and a similar idea with the bucket of prizes, but Naomi just played with the stickers and kept peeling them off the chart, so that just didn't really work. Plus, narrowing it down to one prize at a time seemed to focus her a bit more. Also, in this system, she "buys" her prize. This is a more tangible concept for a toddler (than earning) and it is familiar to her since Pete always makes Mickey and his pals buy stuff on the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
And lastly, my kid is just has stubborn as me.
AND - she's just as proud of herself as we are of her. :)
If you are still reading, you are either family or getting ready to potty train your own kiddo. So, if you're friends or family, thank you for your support. If you're gearing up for your own potty training adventure, good luck, I hope this was helpful and I hope you have a very successful endeavor.
*Note: I'm not a professional; I'm just sharing my experience and giving my two cents (there's a reason I'm not charging you for the eBook that is this post). At the end
of the day, we all do what we think is best for our kids. If you've got
judgement, keep it to yourself. If you want to support, encourage,
share what worked for you... feel free to comment for others to see. :)
