End of Week 3 and A Merry Christmas

We've made it to the end of week 3 and have had a Merry Christmas in the hospital.  This week went by really fast.  On Tuesday night, we had the last of our baby prep classes, breast-pumping and returning to work.  Although I won't have a job to return to, I am still currently planning on going back to work.  We'll see what God has in store for us on that front.  Wednesday, I had a visitor from church and Brian won a pass to get off work early, so that day flew by. 

Thursday, I had lots of visitors.  My wonderful work peeps surprised me around lunch time with a sort of impromptu baby shower/gift.  I'm normally not big on surprises but this one was a great one and very much appreciated!  After that, I had some family from Houston stop by and drop off some candy and some cute stuff for Naomi.  Then I had a Jazzercise student and my parents visit right after Brian got here (he got off work early again since his office closed early for the holiday).  Then, later in the evening, we were skyped into some family Christmas festivities.  It was certainly unique and it was nice to be included and get to be apart of things. 

Christmas Eve, Brian's family (Emily, Alex, and Terah) brought dinner up to us (yummy!  great smoked turkey and sides) and we visited and opened up gifts.  Naomi got spoiled a bit again (yay!).  Everytime we get something for Naomi, we feel just a little more ready for her arrival.  Christmas Day, some of my family brought lunch up and we also visited and opened up gifts.  I actually took a wheelchair ride down to some tables and chairs in the atrium for us to munch.  It was a fun visit.  The day after Christmas brought the last of our celebrations as some more of my family came up to visit and exchange gifts.  Another nice visit and a good close to our holiday festivities. 

Otherwise feeling pretty good.  I've pulled a couple bad bp numbers here and there, my swelling is up a bit the last couple days and I'm having some warm-up contractions but nothing abnormal.  I'll be getting another round of labs and urine test starting tomorrow morning, just to monitor things and make sure that I'm staying steady.  I'll be 36 weeks on Wednesday - just a couple more weeks to go!  We're getting close to scheduling the induction according to the doctor (still planning for 38 weeks); we're doing my Group B test tomorrow (a standard test for some infection that could hurt the baby if I have it).  I'm cheered to think that I'm over halfway through my stay here.  Well, finishing watching Elf and some football.  Will keep you posted!

End of Week 2

Well, it's the end of my second week of bed rest in the hospital.  I've gotten into a routine and have gotten to know some of the nurses as I've had a couple of them more than multiple times.  So far they've pretty much all been really nice.  My room is all decorated for Christmas and has pictures and flowers in it so it's very homey (all the nurses love my room).  As of this afternoon, I also have wrapped gifts under my mini Christmas tree.  At this point, if you overlook the medical equipment, hospital bed, and bio hazard bins, my room looks like a tiny efficiency apartment. 

In addition to pastoral visits from the church, they also sent over some carolers on Wednesday night.  I love singing Christmas carols and have been sad that I'm missing all the singing at church, so it was a great treat.  Of course somewhere between the hormones and the Christmas spirit, I started crying during the second carol (Brian got something in his eye around the same time, wink wink).  Glad I got to do some singing along! 

Thursday night, we went to our infant safety & CPR class (it's in the hospital and I got permission to go via wheel chair).  It was very useful although I was very ready to go after a couple hours, especially with the one lady who had a million "what if" questions (there's always one in every class).  The part that amuses me is that they give you all these instructions on "child-proofing" your home and then reiterate the fact that all of those efforts really just slow your kid down and that they'll still manage to get into stuff no matter how high up you put it or what child safety locks you install.  Cracks me up a little bit, especially since it's pretty much true.  I guess the goal is to slow 'em down enough that you can catch 'em.  One more class on Tuesday and we will have completed all of our childbirth and childcare classes. 

Anyway, medically not too much has changed for me.  My blood pressures have mostly come back in the 130s and 140s with a few higher, but one bad day with more 150s and 160s earned me a blood draw and 24 hour urine test.  Yippee, who doesn't love being awoken at 7 am by a lady with a needle?  :)  Blood draw came back good and the urine test showed only a slight, negligible increase in the amount of protein I'm spilling.  My weight has actually come down a little since I've been here.  I'm certain this is due to a decrease in swelling and fluid retention because my feet/ankles look a lot better (though still quite swollen, at least they are distinguishable from my calves) and the carpal tunnel in my hands is significantly better.  Sonogram on Friday was good - Naomi is still doing great. 

Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty good and I'm not bored yet.  Merry Christmas to everyone! 

Visiting

A quick note on visiting me in the hospital if you'd like to. 
I'm at Medical Center of Plano in the ante-partum area of Labor & Delivery, room LD20. 
You'll want to park by the emergency entrance as it's closest. 
No kids under 12 are allowed in L&D unless they are siblings, so any sweet little ones either have to wait in the waiting room with someone or stay at home. 
Afternoons are best as a lot of my monitoring, testing, cleaning up, etc is done in the morning. 
I definitely welcome visitors - at this point, I feel pretty much normal, just confined.  :) 

The End of an Eventful Week

So Friday was the conclusion of a very eventful and somewhat stressful week.  At some point earlier in the week (I've lost track), Terah kindly came up here and then dropped off some paperwork at my office that I had to turn in by a certain deadline.  When she came back she brought a miniature Christmas tree with ornaments and some Reese's minis.  Yum!  Friday brought more paperwork as Brian had to drop off some more paperwork that was due and pick up some additional forms that I now need to file for my leave.  While he was at my office he went ahead and packed up my desk.  It's really sad - I never really got a chance to say bye to people and my leaving was so unplanned.  I knew that once I went on leave, I wouldn't be coming back since my layoff date would be during my leave time, but I was planning on working pretty close to the end of the pregnancy and having time to say bye.  That night, my parents came and set-up the tree Terah got me and also drove my car home since it had been sitting in the parking lot at the hospital since Monday. 

Medically, my numbers have gotten better the past couple days.  The doctor attributes it to the bed rest and I'm sure she's right.  My swelling seems to have gone down some as well. 

The past few days have been more settled.  We now have my room decorated for Christmas and with some personal photos and flowers.  I've had some great visitors.  Our church, Heights Baptist, has someone call or visit every week day so I got a visit on Thursday and a call on Friday.  Also, the prayer shawl ministry at church brought me a prayer shawl yesterday.  We've had a couple of people from our ABF at church stop by this weekend with flowers, food or books so it's been nice to see some friends.  One of my bosses from work and his wife came to visit today and brought me a couple magazines.  I've had family in and out for the last few days.  It really makes me realize how blessed we are.  I'm also super thankful for this little HP mini netbook that I'm typing on and Facebook - my little windows to the outside world.  Well, I guess that's it for now.  Time to do something else... hope everyone had a great weekend! 

Thursday - It's Official

Brian went ahead and went into work since we had a feeling that I wasn't going to get released.  The doctor came in around 9 in the morning and confirmed what we suspected.  I would remain in the hospital until Naomi is born.  My doctor's goal is to get me to 38 weeks and then to induce labor so that the pregnancy doesn't put any more strain on my body.  Here is a link to the mayo clinic article on preeclampsia http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/preeclampsia/DS00583 - you can step through the different sections and get an idea of what it is.  One of the questions that I've already gotten from friends/family is about blood pressure medication.  My doctor doesn't currently have me on anything because she doesn't want to mask this symptom as she can use it to gauge if my situation is getting worse or holding steady.  Makes sense.  Anyway, we did get permission to roll me over to our breastfeeding class that night in another building of the hospital, so that was nice. 

Brian had his final for his stat class Thursday afternoon and then came over and that night he loaded me up into a wheelchair and I got to get out of my room for the first time since I'd walked into it Monday afternoon.  It was lovely.  Just some notes about the parameters of my bed rest for those curious: I do get to get up to take showers, go to the bathroom, etc.  I get to wear my own pjs and clothes.  Otherwise, I pretty much just sit or lay in bed all day and keep myself busy on the computer, tv, books, etc.  I feel pretty much normal other than just tiring out easily (some of which is typical 3rd trimester stuff and some of which may be attributed to the blood pressure).  I get sad when I think about the muscle atrophy and about how hard it will be to get back to Jazzercise and, at some point, running.  Well, more tomorrow. 

Wednesday - Will I Stay or Will I Go

So since Wednesday was the day that I was supposed to find out if I would be released for home bed rest or not, Brian came to the hospital and worked from here while we waited to get word.  The doctor came in early in the day to let us know that she wanted to consult with the perinatologist before making a decision.  My 24 hour urine test did show that I was spilling protein but at fairly low levels, so I was diagnosed with mild pre-eclampsia.  However, with my blood pressure readings coming in all over the place and some of them coming in really rather high, she wasn't sure how comfortable she was sending me home.  So, she said she would be back later in the day after she talked to the other doc. 


This is the point at which the whole situation hit me.  I realized that I was definitely on bedrest (i.e. little freedom, no working, etc.) and that I was possibly going to be in the hospital over the holidays.  I cried.  A lot.  I tried to stop and cried some more.  My nurse that day tried to help by saying that it could be worse which didn't help at all.  Yes, I know it could be much worse.  I've had friends and family who have endured much more and I know that I'm blessed to only have this small burden.  However, that doesn't mean that I don't need a time to be sad about my situation and to reconcile myself to my new reality.  It was tough on Brian to see me break down and to be strong for me, but he did.  By the afternoon, I'd "put my big girl panties on" and was in a much better place. 


Now, we waited...and waited...my doc must have been slammed that day because she kept intending to come by and never did.  It got late enough that Brian and I figured that she must not be planning to release me and we all but knew she was keeping me in the hospital for the bed rest.  Brian went home alone, again, and seemed much sadder this time.  I think this was the hardest night for him to leave me, particularly after hoping to take me home.  So, we figured we would hear the official word from the doc the next day. 

My First Day in the Hospital

So, after my first night in the hospital, I discovered that I'm not any different than anyone else - I barely slept.  I was up almost every hour.  I couldn't get comfortable, had to go to the bathroom, wasn't used to the noises or setting, etc.  Brian came by in the morning before work, but since we knew I would be there all day finishing my testing, he went ahead and went to work.  At this point, we really hadn't told too many people since we didn't really know much and so far it wasn't that big of a deal.  Obviously I had to tell my work since I was going to be out for the day (horrible timing too - dead middle of our acquisition closing which is similar to a quarter-end close, so a busy time).  Anyway, doctor came by at some point and let me know that she probably wouldn't get the results back from the lab in time to release me that night (she didn't want to release me and then have to re-admit me) so I would be staying another night.  My blood pressure readings had come back all over the place, but all elevated, some really badly and some not as bad (systolic ranging from 130s to 160s and dystolic pretty stable).  At this point she pretty much told me that I would be on bed rest for the duration of the pregnancy but she wanted to wait to see the protein results before deciding whether I could do my bed rest at home or if I'd have to do it in the hospital.  Of course I had to let my office know as I would be out yet again and they should probably know that I was most likely not going to be able to come back at all (I was actually laid off due to the acquisition last week effective 2/25/11 - good times, so it was looking like I would spend the reminder of my employed time on short-term disability).  At this point we also let a couple of other family and friends know so they could be praying especially for the home bed rest rather than hospital.  So I settled in for another night, this time with an Ambien (allelujah) and Brian headed home alone again (no sense in both of us not sleeping well). 

Week 32 Appointment

So, here begins the story of how I ended up writing all of this from a hospital bed.  There will be a lot of medical stuff at first and then more of my thoughts.  I went in for my routine OB appointment on Monday, December 6th after work at which point I was technically 32 weeks 5 days.  I did all my usual weigh/measure stuff and my first blood pressure reading came back quite high, so they waited until the end of the appointment and re-took it and it was a little lower but still very high and I had gained almost 10 pounds since my last appointment 2 weeks prior (most likely in fluid).  I've had a lot of swelling from about the middle of the pregnancy on but since my blood pressure had always been good and I wasn't spilling any protein in my urine, the doctor hadn't been concerned yet.  However, with this spike in blood pressure the doctor indicated that she wanted to do a 24 hour urine test and hourly blood pressure monitoring to see if it was pre-eclampsia.  At some point, she mentioned the possibility of bed rest, but I don't think that really sunk in as an actual outcome of this at the time.  So, she showed me to the back door of her office to go down to labor and delivery where I was admitted to stay overnight for the testing.  This would be my first night in a hospital (um, since birth, so pretty much ever) - I've been very fortunate to not have had to stay in a hospital before.  So, I get all checked in and get to start my science experiment which I've happily dubbed "playing with your pee".  I'm sad that Brian and I will have to spend the night apart, but I'm still in pretty good spirits since I figure it's just a night...

Belly Pics

When I first got pregnant and started writing in this blog, I planned to take regular belly pics to document the growth and post on here.  That didn't actually end up happening.  Time seems to be just flying by.  As I've mentioned, I started showing pretty early and generally I look farther along than I really am.  I'm blaming the 5 foot thing.  Although I measure on track for my gestation, I get some comments from strangers sometimes. 

True Story:  Woman asks me when I'm due, I reply January, and she says, "Wow, that's gonna be a big baby!".  She then asks me boy or girl, I reply girl, and she says, "Oh, too big for a girl!".  Really!?!?!  It's sometimes shocking the things people actually say to pregnant women.  Hello!  We're hormonal and already insecure about our changing bodies which we seem to have little control over these days! 

My brother Derek also tells me I've gotten fat everytime I see him now, but if you know him at all, you know that's nothing to get frazzled about.  If he's not hassling you, he must not like you much, so I'll just consider myself loved. 

So, much ado about nothing, here is my first posted "belly" shot.  It's from a couple weeks ago (somewhere around the end of October), so I'll have to post another one over my Thanksgiving holiday. 

Week 26-27 Sonogram

So on Monday, October 25th we had what has turned out to be our monthly sonogram.  The main purpose is to follow up on Naomi's kidneys and make sure they're still functioning.  It was a good, albeit a little unusual, appointment. 

Naomi's kidneys had almost the same measurements as they did before so they are no more dilated than they were previously.  Her bladder is still full and she has the right level of amniotic fluid (or pool water as my doc sometimes calls it).  So, kidneys are still functioning and we'll go back in 4 weeks to check again.  Otherwise, got a great view of the heart pumping away and lots of other details.  Apparently this is one of the best sonogram times as the baby is big enough to see a lot clearly, but not so big that it's all squished together.  Her measurements were all good, on-schedule, and around the 50% mark for her gestation.  She weighed approximately 2 lbs 3 oz (no telling how much she's grown since then). 

Now for the unusual part: I had a high school student from Plano East observing my sonogram (with my permission of course).  She's in some sort of clinicals class/program to get her EMT cert - sounds pretty cool.  Sweet little girl, but she had no idea what she was in for when she walked into my doc's office.  Before I even went back I heard her talking to my doc about becoming a nurse practitioner and my doc challenging her to go to med school and be a doctor.  That should have been the girl's first clue for what she was in for.  In addition to observing my sono (with my doc moving at record speed), she got to have a rapid fire, pop anatomy quiz starting with the anatomy of the heart.    When she didn't know something or got something wrong, responses ranged from "Girl, are you kidding me?" to "You've got to know your heart!"  I hope the girl studied Monday night because I gathered that she was coming back on Tuesday and it was clear she was expected to have this down by then. 

So, we'll go back just before Thanksgiving to make sure everything is still in working order. 

Shout Outs

I want to take a quick post to send out some THANK YOU shout outs to people who have been such a blessing to us so far during this pregnancy (in no particular order). 

To our family, thank you so much for loving Naomi before she's even gotten here, for already starting to spoil her, and for making her your pumpkin, sunshine, sugar, etc. 

To our church family (ABF and women's group), thank you so much for all your support and guidance.  I'm sure we'll be thankful for this on an ongoing basis for quite some time. 

To Vanessa and Jenny, thanks for loaning me some maternity clothes so that I didn't have to break the bank just to leave the house every day. 

To Jenny, thanks for passing down some baby clothes and goodies. 

To Nathan, thanks for coming to help us pick up the "way-larger-than-we-thought" crib on the spur of the moment. 

To Bonnie, thanks for passing down a breast pump. 

To Amy C, thanks for the cute baby skechers and the "Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner" onesie. 

To Amy McB, thanks, in advance, for the jogging stroller. 

To Alex, thanks for helping Brian get started on painting Naomi's room. 

To Alex and Terah, thanks for the crib mattress - 'cause that's just one less thing. 

And last, but certainly not least, thanks to my wonderful husband and best friend, Brian, for saying "I love you" everyday not just in words but through your actions.  From bringing me cereal in bed so I'm not nauseated to scooping kitty litter to doing extra around the house, you make me feel loved and appreciated (for carrying our tiny human) everyday.  I can't imagine embarking on this journey with anyone else.  I love you lots! 

What's In a Name?

When we found out we were having a girl and told people, the next question was always, "Do you have a name?"  We did, but we weren't ready to tell people just yet.  Not sure why.  Probably in part because we wanted to be very certain before we told people since Brian and I wanted it to be completely our decision without others' opinions coloring our decision.  And, for me anyway, in part because that was just making it a little more real than I was ready for. 

We did tell people that we had a name in mind and about our process which garnered some chucking and some goofy looks.  Since I'm an accountant, there had to be an Excel spreadsheet for this and there was.  Before I was even pregnant, Brian and I came up with a list of boy names and a list of girl names and put them on the spreadsheet.  Then there was a column for Brian's rank and a column for my rank.  Hiding our columns in turn, we each ranked the names in our preferred order.  The combined ranking column took both of our rankings into account and gave us our top choices.  We then discussed some more and picked some middle names (family names) that went best with our top choices.  We then filed it away until much later. 

Once we knew I was pregnant we started to think back to the names that we remembered choosing and found that neither of us could remember our boy names but we remembered our top girl names really well.  An odd bit of foreshadowing as it turns out.  At an early high level sonogram, the doc said that she thought it was a girl, so we started trying out our girl names and ultimately decided on one.  Once we knew for sure it was a girl, we started privately using her new name.  Now, we've come to the point were we've told some people and are ready to tell anyone interested. 

Say Hello to:

Naomi Katherine Culp




ps. Katherine is Brian's grandmother's name for anyone curious about the family name.  She is very much missed. 

How Are You Feeling

I've noticed that as a pregnant woman you frequently get asked "How are you feeling?"  It's easy small talk, people generally want to show their caring and support for you, and other women who've been pregnant before like to empathize.  For the most part I reply that I'm feeling pretty good or that I'm feeling pretty good other than the swelling.  And, for the most part, that's true.  However, it's not to say that I feel great or normal.  Really, any time a pregnant woman gives you this response there is an unspoken "for a pregnant gal" condition attached to this statement.  A new normal has been established and how you feel is based on this new pregnant version of normal. 

So, here's the lowdown and longer answer to how I feel most days:

The part about the swelling is true and it precipitates quite a bit of my other "symptoms" which is why I frequently just mention it.  My shoes and rings stopped fitting about a month ahead of schedule (I was prone to swelling before the pregnancy so I'm not surprised this is an issue).  I pretty much just wear flip flops right now.  I've bought a couple pairs of shoes (a half size to a size up and in a wide width) for when it gets colder and I'm crossing my swollen fingers that the little plump piggies still fit into them (and that the colder weather helps the swelling).  The swelling has also gone to my nose - I feel stuffed up most of the time particularly at night.  I have developed a completely hideous and unladylike snore that I've never had before.  Hubby bought me breath right strips and has taken to wearing ear plugs at night.  Bless his heart - he didn't marry this snore, but he's being super sweet about it.  The swelling has also caused what they call pregnancy carpel tunnel syndrome.  My right middle finger (and sometimes the two on either side of it) are essentially constantly numb.  It feels like someone injected them with novocaine.  Sometimes, when the swelling is particularly bad, this escalates to a painful numbness - the finger is numb except for the arthritic-like pain in my finger joints.  This is really not good when you're job is at a desk frequently involving typing, mousing, and ten-keying with your right hand.  This should all go away shortly after delivery, but for now, it is not fun. 

Otherwise, I have a host of other garden variety pregnancy feelings.  The horrible acid reflux kicked in over a month ago and there is no end in sight.  I'm generally burning up when everyone else thinks it's cool or comfortable in the room.  I tire much more easily and my body feels cumbersome.  Blah, blah, blah...

But other than that, I'm really feeling pretty good.  :) 

Just For Kicks

So for several weeks back a month or so ago, I got asked a lot if I was feeling her kick yet.  I really just wasn't sure.  Sometimes I thought maybe I did or maybe it's just some other weird body thing.  Progressively it got more and more obvious. 

That brings us to how it is now.  I definitely feel her move now.  She moves around a bit about an hour after I eat, usually when I shift positions, and sometimes when I'm sitting still or just laying around.  Most nights she is kind to me and lets me sleep.  I'm not sure how long it will last but I'm grateful for it for now.  I still go to Jazzercise and low-impact and modify the workout and a lot of the gals wonder if she kicks around during that - she doesn't.  I guess she gets enough movement with me groovin' around.  When we go for a walk on Saturday, she just sits lower and lower until I have to sit down and force her back up a bit to finish the walk. 

Now for the funny and cool part.  Brian can finally feel her when he puts his hand on the bump.  For several weeks, he couldn't and I knew he wanted to so badly.  So, he's decided to try some other things for entertainment.  He put a cell phone on my belly on the spot where she was kicking and watched it wobble.  One time he put his ear to the belly (I think to see if he could hear anything) and he ended up getting kicked in the ear twice!  Cracked us both up. 

So, this is clearly the weird and fun part.  Weird to feel like you have a tiny alien inside of you and fun to feel that little life really getting going.  Anyway that's it on that - time to kick back on the couch. 

Week 25 Check Up

I had my week 25 check up which includes the one hour glucose challenge on Monday, October 11.  At this point, I just dread the weigh-ins.  I gained another 7 lbs this month.  The doctor commented that I seem to like that number and I assured her that I didn't, but that it seems to like me (with a bit of a laugh).  My doctor is very kind about not badgering me about my weight.  She just encourages me to eat healthy and walk regularly.  Some weeks I do better with the exercise than others and for the most part I eat healthy (other than the occassional indulgence - see Round Rock Donuts post).  I've tried to stick to healthy snacks like greek yogurt, apples, protein shakes, etc.  At this rate, I will likely exceed the weight ceiling that I'd set for myself.  (For those wondering, the weight ceiling I had in mind was way more than reasonable especially given my five foot frame - it was more than 40 pounds above my starting weight.)  At this point though, I know that I'll just have to wait until after our little girl's arrival to deal with it.  As someone who has always struggled with my weight, this is just tough for me.  I know what it takes to drop the weight and I know it won't be easy or quick (and yes, I plan on nursing away as much of it as I can). 

Anyway, enough about that.  All my stats were good.  Blood pressure is still better/lower than it was before I got pregnant, measurements were on track (25 at 25), urinalysis good, and I got the results of the glucose challenge and I'm good on that front too.  I'm so glad that I don't have to have the 4 hour test.  With my run-and-hide veins that would have been awful.  As it was, the gal had to do quite a bit of digging to get her two viles for this test since my veins are deep and the minute you switch viles, they run away from the needle.  So, whew, dodged a day of torture on that one.  Little girl's hear tones were in the 150s and that's still very normal. 

So praying that all my stats stay good and that the only third trimester weight gain is the baby's.  :)

Week 23 Sonogram

We had our Week 23 Sonogram back on September 27th (obviously I'm behind on blogging).  This was a follow up to our previous sonogram to make sure that little girl's brain cysts had dissappeared and to check up on the mild kidney dialation she had on her left kidney.  Overall the sonogram was good.  The cysts were completely gone which was what the doctor was expecting to find as they usually resolve themselves.  This time both kidneys were dialated.  However, her bladder was full and her amniotic fluid levels were good which indicates that the kidneys are still working although slower (similar to how traffic goes slower when you narrow the highway from 3 lanes down to 2).  We have another sonogram on October 25th to re-check her kidneys and make sure that they are still working.  Praying that all her mini plumbing is still flowing okay. 

Here's a profile shot of her face from the sonogram:

Round Rock Donuts

This weekend Brian and I headed down to Austin to watch the UT vs UCLA game.  Other than the whole losing thing, we enjoyed going to the game.  Luckily our seats were in the shade, had cushiony chair backs, and were only steps away from the bathroom and the water fountain - thanks to my MIL.  My feet still swelled up huge, but that's pretty much how that goes these days. 

On the way out of town, we decided to stop by Round Rock Donuts.  I've been wanting to go for a while having seen it on Man vs. Food and in a column on MSN about the best donuts in the country.  Typically I try to stay away from nutritionally devoid calorie bombs like donuts, but I must admit that I have used the pregnancy as an excuse to occassionally (not too often) indulge some cravings. 

The Round Rock Donuts Shop

There is quite the line for these sugary delights including a drive thru line that wraps around the street corner.  The walk-in line wasn't too bad as they are really efficient and we were happily eating our donuts outside in about 10 minutes or so.  While they are famous for their giant "Texas Sized" Donut, we opted for a couple of the normal sized original glazed donuts and a dozen donut holes.



Famous "Texas Sized" Donut (we snagged a pic of some little boy's donut)

 I will say that these were the tastiest donuts I've ever had.  All warm and sweet, they just melt in your mouth.  On another positive note, the shop clearly didn't count out a dozen donut holes; they more likely just grabbed a huge gobful and put them in a bag.  We must have had at least 3 dozen donut holes.  We munched on them the whole way home and had them for dessert that night.  They're not quite as good once they've cooled down, but still the best ever.  Yummy!

19 Week Ultrasound Update

On Wednesday, September 1, we had our 19 week ultrasound. First of all, IT'S A GIRL! It's nice to start referring to the baby with she and her pronouns instead of it. We're privately trying out our top choice for name and once we're certain, we'll tell everyone. So onto the details (boys may want to skip the next paragraph about lady stuff although it's all very clinical).

The first part of the ultrasound was a trans-vaginal ultrasound to measure my cervix to make sure I'm not having any issues with cervical insufficiency. As I had a LEEP procedure done about 8 or 10 years ago, this can be an issue. Good news in that area - measurements were good and there was no dilation with pressure. Hopefully I'll continue to hold up well on that front. She also looked at the placenta and umbilical cord. Everything looked good although she did see some extra placental tissue (I forget what she called it), but as the cord flow was good and the extra tissue is not in a bad location (i.e. not over the cervix) she didn't seem concerned.

The bulk of the ultrasound was measuring and looking at all of baby's major organs and parts. This ultrasound was done with the perinatologist so I believe it is what they call a Level II Ultrasound although I never really asked. It is amazing what all we could see, especially when you think that right now the baby is only about the size of my palm and weighs a mere 9 ounces. We also got a DVD of the ultrasound which is really cool.

The heart looked good - all 4 chambers pumping away with all the appropriate separating walls and portals. It's totally amazing and crazy to think that inside my body is a second little bitty heart pounding away at 147 bpm even as I type this. The bladder and kidneys were next; the left kidney was a little enlarged and seemed to have a bit of a "back-up" (I forget the medical term she used), but the doctor didn't seem very concerned about this and told us not to worry either. We saw our baby's spine, ribs, and arm and leg bones. Those all looked good and measured fine. Her little hands were amazing; 4 fingers and a thumb on each hand and we got to watch her make a fist and then spread her little hand out (good measurements here as well). The doctor measured the transnuchal fold (a marker for Down’s syndrome) and it measured fine and looked normal. Last, but not least, is baby's little brain. This is where we had a couple anomalies. Basic structure was okay - two hemispheres, different lobes present, and correct size for gestational age. She found a couple of choroid plexus cysts (fluid filled sacks on the brain). These are not completely uncommon and usually resolve themselves by the third trimester; however they are considered a soft marker of Down’s syndrome. This actually doesn't tell you a lot because it basically means that it can be present or not present in fetuses with chromosomal abnormalities and it can be present in completely normal healthy fetuses and mean absolutely nothing. Helpful, huh? The other anomaly the doctor saw was the shape of baby’s head. There were a couple of spots where it was a little concave. I'm still not sure what to make of that one, but I'm hoping it all works itself out.

The end result of all the measurements and inspection was that our risk of down’s went up a bit more to somewhere around 1 in 82ish which is still only about 1.2%. So, then we had the conversation with the doctor about how we wanted to proceed - i.e. amniocentesis or not. She asked us what we would do if we had a baby with down’s to which Brian said (and I nodded in agreement), "We'd have a baby with down’s syndrome". Do I want that for my child? Of course not, but we'll love the baby God gives us, period. She then gave us her completely unscientific (but based on years of experience, etc) gut feeling about our baby. She doesn't really get the feeling that our baby has down’s although of course there is no way to be certain of that other than amnio and she can't point to any specific medical evidence. I did get this impression from her throughout the ultrasound though - she would find a little something here or there and never seemed overly concerned about it and she didn't find anything "lethal". We discussed amnio, the risks, benefits, etc. Bottom line, Brian and I elected not to do an amnio. We don't want to mess with baby's happy little home since medically nothing would be done differently either way.

We go back to the perinatologist in a month to see if the cysts have resolved. Please pray that the cysts resolve, the brain continues developing normally, the head becomes less concave, the left kidney gets cleaned out, and that baby stays healthy overall. That's all for now. :)

Brian's Surgery

Brian will be having surgery on Friday, August 13th and here's a little background.  At Brian's annual physical last year, he tested as being a little anemic.  They did a couple of FOBTs and didn't find anything.  Neither Brian or the doctor really pursued it after that.  Again this year at his annual physical around February, he tested anemic again.  Again, they did a couple of FOBTs and still didn't find anything.  This time the doctor recommended an Upper GI (endoscopy) to see if there was something going on there that might be affecting his iron absorption especially given that he'd previously had a Nissan Fundoplication to help with acid reflux.  After an initial consultation with the GI doc and a test to rule out celiac's disease / gluten allergies, we scheduled the procedure. 

So, on July 14th, we took Brian in to have the Upper GI.  We ended up being at the hospital a little longer than we had anticipated.  While I was sitting with Brian in recovery as he came out of his sedation fog, they told us that the doc wanted to send us down to radiology for Upper GI x-rays with barium contrast.  Before we headed down the doc came to discuss what he had found.  Primarily, he saw evidence of a para-esophogeal hiatal hernia and wanted to confirm that and get a better picture of it with the x-ray.  Additionally, he saw several Cameron Ulcers, resulting from the hernia, which cause GI bleeding and consequently anemia.  So, we have our culprit.  We headed down to radiology, Brian drank the flavored chalk (aka barium) and they took pictures of his insides.  Basically, his stomach looked a bit like an hour glass.  Half of it is herniated up through his diaphragm.  Needless to say the GI doc then referred us to a surgeon. 

The end result is Brian will be having surgery to correct this.  They will undo the fundoplication, then pull the herniated part of the stomach through the diaphragm back where it belongs, and then re-do the fundoplication.  If the hole in the diaphragm is significant, they may have to place biological netting to reinforce it while it heals.  So, please pray for the surgery to go well and for a speedy recovery.  Although this is a somewhat "routine" surgery, having a baby on the way has made both of us a little extra nervous.

Early Screen Exam

On Monday, July 19th we had our Early Screen exam with the perinatologist.  It consists of a blood test and an ultrasound to assess your risk of having a child with Downs Syndrome, Trisomy 13-16-18, and some other chromosomal abnormalities.  It's not diagnostic, but can help you in deciding whether you feel it's necessary to do more invasive diagnostic tests such as CVS or amniocentesis.  Just to be clear, we are definitely in the camp of people that would never terminate the pregnancy based on the results of any of these tests, but we do like to be prepared. 

The ultrasound part of this was super cool and a real joy for the two of us.  This time, our baby actually looked like a baby and not just a tadpole.  There were arms, hands, fingers, legs, feet, toes, a tiny nose, bitty lips, etc.  The baby was moving around a lot.  We watched it push off with it's legs and go flying across the screen and then slowly float back into view.  When the baby didn't move where the doctor needed it to move for measurements, she would jab at us with the ultrasound wand to try to get the baby to reposition.  Honestly, it just made me giggle.  She floated over lots of different parts and pointed them out and labeled them on her screen for her records.  She asked us if we wanted to know if she had any indication of the gender.  We said yes, we can't wait.  She pointed out 3 white lines (aka the hamburger) on the ultrasound and said that would seem to indicate girl.  Of course, she said it's still early so don't go painting rooms or buying stuff yet, but it's nice to have some idea.  She gave us some of the sonogram shots and I've inserted the best one below.  Naturally, she didn't give me any of the ones that she labeled, but this profile shot is a pretty obvious one. 

Since it's been a few weeks, we've already gotten the results of the screening and it looks like I'm twice as likely as another woman my age to have a child with Downs Syndrome.  Still the odds are really small - 1 in 247, so less than a 1% chance.  We've elected not to do amnio or CVS at this point.  We'll have an ultrasound around 16-20 weeks.  If the baby shows no physical abnormalities at that point then my risk will be reduced back down to that of every other gal my age (around 1 in 500).  At that ultrasound we'll also get a final ruling on the gender and they'll measure some of my parts to make sure I'm holding up okay.  More on all of this later!

12 Week Check-up

I still need to blog about JAF, but for now, I've just got a quick update from my 12 week check-up with the OB.  Everything went well.  All my lab work is good.  After a bit of rolling around with the doppler, she found the baby's heartbeat and it was going strong at 160 BPM.  She said that next time, it will be louder and easier to find which will be nice.  We discussed our pre-natal testing options and decided to go ahead with an early screen test.  Although we wouldn't do anything differently based on the results, I'm not too big on surprises and like to be prepared.  So, we are scheduled to go on Monday for the blood test and ultrasound that are the early screen. 

As for me, I need to post my first bump picture, but that will have to wait (as I'm at work on my lunch break now).  As my doctor kindly put it this week, I'm not having any trouble gaining weight.  I've been feeling better - less nausea and more energy.  Some of the energy boost could be from my endocrinologist upping my thyroid medication dosage a couple weeks ago.  With the added weight gain and the baby sapping some of the thyroid, most women on meds have to increase their dosage in pregnancy.  Now, I'm hoping I'll feel more inclined to workout.  Mostly at this point, I'm just hungry all the time.  I never thought I'd say it but I'm tired of eating (and I'm a girl who LOVES to eat).  Well, that's about all for now.  Back to work! 

Quick Note - More to Follow

Hi all!  Just a quick note since I'm recovering from an AMAZING week at camp.  I'll be blogging about my experience at Joni and Friends Family Retreat shortly (as soon as I catch up on rest and laundry). 

Pregnancy wise, I was blessed with several good days at camp (I had really prayed for this) - I had very little nausea and my nap during break time plus the constant activity helped combat the sleepies.  The first few days of this week were almost like payback though.  Monday I could barely drag myself out of bed, but it's been getting better each day as I get back to a more normal routine and get some sleep.  Today was a pretty good day. 

I'm off to eat a handful of cereal and go to bed.  Night ya'll! 

6/17/10 – So They Say…

All the little pregnancy progress things that I read say that “You’re still not showing yet…” blah blah. Really? Have you seen me!?!? Okay, so I know that the baby isn’t the one showing, but I’m certainly bigger. This is really just a nice way of trying to say, “You’re at the awkward stage where people will wonder if you’re pregnant or just getting fatter”. Couldn’t they just say that? Be honest, so I don’t feel like a giant lard-o. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m only 5 feet tall; anything extra shows up quick. Actually, to me, it looks more like I’ve gained at least ten pounds. I’ll be lucky to make it through the first trimester without a pair of maternity pants.


Some stats on my weight gain: At my appointment on Tuesday, I had gained 4 pounds since my last visit 2 weeks ago. The doctor said it was a bit much and I should watch it, but it wasn’t horrible yet. Today, at my appointment with my endocrinologist, I was up another 2 pounds; those 2 I’m attributing to water retention since my hands and feet could pass for breakfast sausages today (even the doc commented). She told me to watch my salt intake. I’m hoping that it slows down a little after this first trimester. I’ve been so hungry all the time that I’m constantly eating. I actually hate it, especially since nothing ever sounds good. Couple that with the fact that my workouts are a lot less intense, due to being on low-impact only, and it’s no wonder that I’m gaining more weight than I should.

So, I’ll be concentrating on only eating when I’m hungry and only until I’m full. I’m also going to try to squeeze in a couple more workouts every week. We’ll see if I can slow this train down a bit.

6/15/10 – Heartbeat!

Today we got to hear the baby’s heartbeat for the first time at a strong 158 BPM. It was amazing! Brian and I totally got teary eyed. I knew it would be cool, but I didn’t know that this little wellspring of emotion would come bursting up. We also got a new sonogram picture where the baby looks less like a smudge and much more like a human tadpole (i.e. all head and heart with a bit of body). The yoke sack is still there over the baby’s head like a little thought bubble. It's amazing how much the baby grew in only two weeks.  Measurements still have us on target for delivery the last week of January.

6/14/10 – VooDoo Doll

The last week has been full of ups and downs. Sometimes it just feels like I am a little voodoo doll that the baby is playing with. Poke – I’m asleep. Poke – I’m starving. Poke – I feel like barfing. Poke – This or that aches. Poke – I can’t sleep. Poke, poke, poke. It’s made it difficult to be excited about this wonderful thing. Sometimes I start to wonder if there is such a thing as pre-partum depression – if not, there should be because I swear I’ve got it. I wonder why I signed up for this and what was I thinking. I just keep trying to cheer myself through by counting down until I make it through the first trimester. The second trimester is supposed to be the best, so I’m counting down the next four weeks.


I really can’t imagine doing this with anyone other than my hubby. He has been such a blessing. He never complains about how many times I get up during the night. He gets me some toast or cereal and brings it to me in bed every morning. When I don’t have enough energy for some household tasks, he gladly takes them on. Yesterday was a particularly rough day and he took care of me all day and made a wonderful dinner (enchiladas verdes). He’s been amazing.

Tomorrow we have our next appointment with the OB. We should be having another sonogram and hopefully get to hear the heartbeat. Brian is super excited. I’m hoping that it will be a good appointment and that it will really get me more excited since I’ve been in a bit of a slump. I’ll let you know tomorrow.

6/7/10 – Low-Impact

This evening, I went to Jazzercise and low-impacted as a student. It did feel much better than teaching and I’m glad that I went. I can feel so many differences in my body in class though. I can feel my hip joints loosening up a bit already whenever I’m doing abductions or hippy stuff and the ab work is just weird feeling (and more difficult of course). Gotta keep going and stay in good shape!

6/6/10 – Happy to tell our friends!

So, this morning we announced it to our church group. That was fun! I’m so glad that we have such a good group of supportive friends. This evening I contacted my Jazzercise class owners and let them know. The doctor has advised against doing high-impact and pushing my heart rate up too high which doesn’t lend itself well to teaching my regular classes. Brian and I discussed her advice and agreed that we should follow it. It’s hard for me to take a break from teaching, but I know it’s for the best. At this point, I’ve really been struggling with nausea and exhaustion all the time, so I really don’t feel up to teaching anyway. Brian is already super protective of our little bean. It’s both cute and annoying. Mostly it’s cute and sweet, but sometimes I just really want a giant diet-coke or something else that’s in a gray-area of “may or may not hurt the baby, unable to do studies, why take chances, blah, blah”. I miss wine and sushi, but those were givens that I expected. So far, the baby seems to want me to eat all the time, but never too much (it punishes me for that). I’m so tired of munching already and get really tired of it when my body wakes up at some horrid, wee hour of the AM demanding a snack. Ugh! I’m trying to be healthy and just gain the appropriate amount of weight but at the rate that I seem to need to eat, I’m not sure how well that’s going to go. I’m hoping that all of this slows down when I get to the end of the first trimester and all the major construction work is done. Crossing fingers and praying!

6/1/10 – Lots to Update

So , I’ve got lots to update between the weekend of news sharing and our appointment with the doctor, but I’ll try to keep it to a brief summary. It was so much fun this weekend to tell our immediate family. Brian’s mom was red-in-the-face ecstatic. My mom was surprised and excited. Brian’s brother choked on his lox and cream cheese bagel and then both A&T were excited. My whole family was shocked and excited. We were about to pray over our Memorial Day burgers when I announced that I had a little prayer request. My brother jokingly said, “Are you pregnant?” To which I said yes which started a round of giggles and “wait, are you serious” comments. After I confirmed and the shock settled in, lots of wonderful hugging ensued. It made for a very fun, albeit tiring, weekend.


Today, we had our first appointment with the OB and a sonogram. Based on the measurements I am actually more like 6 weeks along. So, maybe I was a little crazy that one month. : ) I now have a picture of what we have renamed “the bean” since it’s still quite a bit smaller than we thought. Truthfully, it looks more like a smudge, but hey it’s our little smudge! I was excited to find that it is in my uterus where it belongs. They pulled all my blood work and we got lots of information, do’s and don’ts, and samples of several different prescription pre-natal vitamins to try. The doctor scheduled us to come back in two weeks for a follow-up and another sonogram where we’ll hopefully get to hear the heartbeat. That will be wonderful!

Since I now have a tentative due date of January 28th, I went ahead and told my bosses and co-workers today. This date really does work better with my work schedule so I can be there for year-end (at least most of it). Again, people were surprised and happy for me and Brian. It’s nice to have it out in the open. I seem to be kinda starting to "pop-out" a little bit early. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m short or what but I’m glad that I can stop trying to suck in and hide it.

Now we are just looking forward to Tuesday in two weeks for our follow-up and continuing to tell friends.

5/28/10 – Telling Family

On Wednesday, I did stop and buy a maternity band to put over my existing (but unbuttoned/unzipped) pants. Genius! I was so much more comfortable Wednesday night at the Roughriders game. I also grabbed a couple maternity tops and a swimsuit. I’m definitely happy about that. The last couple of days I’ve stuck with a dress and some stretchy, draw-string capris that I have. I didn’t sleep much last night. I slept great from 10 to just after 2, then got up to go to the bathroom and never really got back to sleep before having to pop up to teach my 5:40am Jazzercise class. Normally, I rarely ever have to get up in the middle of the night, so my body just doesn’t seem to understand that it’s okay to go back to sleep afterward; it just doesn’t know what to do.


So, we’ve decided to tell our families this weekend, then our work next week, followed by our church group next Sunday, Jazzer-peeps the following week, and then it goes on Facebook (i.e. public). I would prefer to wait until after our appointment for our families as well, but with the long weekend and stuff, it’s just working out better to do it now. We’re planning to head to Austin first thing tomorrow morning. Hopefully the AC guy will come tonight and fix our issue with our new AC.

Still can’t believe this is all happening! I wonder if telling our families will make it more real or if it won’t be real until we see the little grape on the monitor.

5/26/10 – Excited!

I’m excited for a couple different reasons (the second one being the most dominant). First, I finally slept decent last night. Had some discomfort initially, but finally nodded off about 30 minutes later and stayed asleep until 5:15. Then, I had to get up to go the bathroom and I was wide awake, but it’s so much better than it has been so I’ll take it. Next, and the most exciting, I scheduled our first appointment with the Ob/Gyn for next Tuesday, June 1st. The scheduling lady said that they will do an ultrasound. I’m so excited to get to see our baby and maybe hear its little heartbeat! It will so put my mind at ease to about a bunch of little worries I have since I haven’t seen a doctor yet. I keep worrying that the baby isn’t where it’s supposed to be or that it isn’t developing correctly. Like I said though, it’s definitely been enriching my prayer life and I have a feeling that will continue for the rest of my life. I love laying my hand on my belly before I go to sleep at night and praising God for his miraculous and wondrous works and then praying to Him for my baby’s health.


On another note, I think it’s time to get some sort of maternity band. I’m not quite big enough yet for maternity pants but I’ve pretty much stopped buttoning my pants (and in some cases zipping them). I’m also contemplating a new size of bra, especially a more supportive sports bra for working out, and possibly a couple of cute maternity shirts to help hide my bloat-y belly. This is all so surreal; I can’t believe we’re actually doing this and it’s all happening.

5/25/10 – Ugh…

So, I haven’t been sleeping well at all the last couple of nights, so I am so tired. I seem to be having morning sickness all day-ish. I just feel nauseated all the time. Oh, and I’m definitely not going to be able to hide this for too long. Yesterday, some engineer guy at work asked about my baby (his English isn’t the best and we were just passing in the hall, so I didn’t completely get what he was saying). I just smiled, replied “nope” and kept walking. I feel so big and bloated and my abdomen just aches today. Here’s to hoping for a good night’s sleep and that everything is developing well with the baby even if I feel like dump.

5/24/10 – OMG!

I’m pregnant! On Saturday morning (two days ago), I went ahead and ran the test and it turned positive almost immediately. Re-ran it on Sunday just to be sure and it was even more positive. I can’t believe it and I’m still not sure that it has sunk in. My initial reaction was basically an “I’m not crazy” one. I’m so glad to know that everything I was feeling in my body really was my little one setting up house. Given symptoms and my lack of an actual period last month, Brian and I are both convinced that I’m 8 weeks along and that my body just hadn’t produced enough hormone last month to give me a positive. If that’s the case, my baby is about the size of a grape, so all weekend we’ve been calling it our little grape. I’m so glad that I waited until Saturday to take the test, I can’t imagine finding this out and then having to go to work and sit still all day. I spent most of the weekend freaking out a bit and repeating the news to myself in various ways. It’s so hard to keep this all in and not tell people, especially since my belly is threatening to give it away at any time. I can still hide it with clothes, but it’s obvious to me and Brian. I think there has been a lot going on with it this weekend given all the different physical feelings that I’ve had. I have to say I suddenly felt super sassy yesterday evening. Anyway, I will say there is nothing like a pregnancy to enrich your prayer life. Multiple times a day I place my hands on my belly and pray for my little grape. I also keep praying for some of the women that I know have been trying without success. Well, I do feel better having written that. Well, off to the little girls’ room! I think I’ll be there a lot today.

5/21/10 – Wondering…

AF has not made an appearance yet. I’m so curious and want to take a pregnancy test but I’m scared to do it. If it comes back negative, I’m really going to start thinking that I’m crazy. I swear that I feel pregnant, even though I have no basis for knowing what that feels like, so I’m going almost entirely on conjecture. Maybe a little TMI, but again, I swear certain assets are enhanced. Thinking about all of this kind of kept me awake the night before last. Luckily, I was so tired last night that I slept like a rock (an odd saying since rocks don’t actually sleep). I have developed so much more understanding and empathy for women who are desperately trying to conceive and especially those having fertility issues. If it’s driving me, someone who was never all that “gung-ho” on having a baby, this nutty, I can’t fathom how crazy it would make someone who is totally on the board the baby train. Well, I feel a bit better getting this out. Hopefully, it will help me to not focus on it so much throughout the day. Back to work!

5/19/10 – Waiting…

There’s still no sign of AF, so still waiting. She usually comes to visit on Wednesday (today).

5/18/10 – Patience…

So, as much as I’m trying not to, I’m getting a bit anxious. It’s Tuesday and so far, no sign of AF. I know Brian is really anxious too, he really wants it to happen. Must be patient!

5/17/10 – Nice Weekend

Overall we had a nice weekend. I taught quite a bit so it’s nice to have a day off from working out today. Otherwise we managed to relax quite a bit, get caught up on tv, watch a movie and get a few things done around the house. This week we’ll be working on getting our house cleaned up for having some friends over next weekend. It always helps us to have an excuse to have to get it done.


On another note this is my dot week, so we’ll see if there is any big news or if there is no change. I’m trying to just relax about it since it’s out of my control and I’m just going to have to be patient, but I’m kinda curious. I could swear this past week that certain assets have been getting just a little bigger. It’s another exercise in patience and trusting in God’s plan.

5/13/10 – Slow Week

I had some more body issues over the weekend, so if it didn’t clear up I was going to contact my doctor again. Of course, Monday everything seemed like it was back to normal. My weight went back down a bit and has leveled off around where I was at before. We’ll see, but as of now, I don’t really have anything to contact the doc about anymore. I have a couple of little things that have me wondering about the pregnancy thing again, but nothing major. After a mere 3 months off of the pill, I’ve decided that “trying” just takes the fun out of it. No more for me! We’ve just got to go back to normal and have fun when we want to, not when some schedule tells us. Although, with the vacation plans we have for next year, there may come a point when I use that knowledge to un-try.


Brian finished his last final for the semester yesterday. It’ll be nice for him (and me) to have a break until his summer class starts up. Otherwise, there’s not too much going on in the Culp household.

5/7/10 – Mmmm…

Well, I did go ahead and repeat the test although I was fairly confident that it would still come out negative and it did. So, I’m still at a loss for what is going on with my body because something is definitely out of whack. I swear my digestive system is out to get me! It’s been all over the place this week and I don’t think it’s felt normal all week. Add on the massive bloat and water retention and I seriously don’t want to get out of my pjs or eat anything. Plus, I keep having abdominal pain, yippee. Oh, and despite upping my workouts and eating less (since my abdomen is in constant upheaval), I seem to be slowly gaining weight. I’d say it’s been about a pound a week for the last couple weeks. Ugh! If I’m really not pregnant, then what is trying to eat me from the inside out?!?!

4/30/10 – Update

The doctor called back and said to wait a week and repeat the test. It’s pretty much what I expected. Regardless, this weekend is supposed to be fertile time, so we need to get busy. It really would be the best time to get pregnant. The baby would be born at the end of year-end close and we would still be clear to go on our trips that we have planned. I realize as I type this how selfish that probably sounds and part of it is, but part of it is just the planner in me. I like things to be timed really well and I want to still be able to work at a time when I know it’s critical for me to be there. Plus, I know Brian is super excited about our Spain/Portugal trip and about showing me some of the places in Portugal that he visited as a kid. Lots of work to do, so back to it!

4/29/10 – Emailed the Doctor

Well, the HPT came back negative, but I’m still having symptoms and just can’t shake the pregnancy feeling. Of course, there are message boards on the internet full of women who had negative pregnancy test, but were still pregnant – but then again, you can find pretty much anything on the internet. I went ahead and sent my doctor a message. We’ll see what she says. Maybe I’m just crazy or something… we’ll see.

Oh, also, we booked a cruise for next September. We have so many things planned for next year that I’m not even sure how we would cope with the whole baby thing at this point. Heck, I’ve been so moody lately that half the time I’m not sure I even want a baby and I’m not really in the mood for much of anything anyway.  Hmmm… again, we’ll see. “Wonky” is my word of the month.

4/27/10 – Bleh!

Woke up tired, with a headache and am feeling a little nauseated. I’m starting to feel a little crazy. Everything would make sense if I were pregnant but otherwise, am I just imagining all of this? Is it just some sort of psycho-somatic thing? (I probably didn't spell that right, but oh well.)  I’ve been so moody and on-edge lately that I’ve kind of been feeling like I don’t want to do this whole baby thing. I’m going to go ahead and do another HPT tomorrow just to make sure. If it’s negative and this feeling dumpy thing continues, I may need to talk to my doctor.

4/26/10 – Tired

I’ve been really tired lately. Also, I seem to be getting full really quickly whenever I eat. Guess I shouldn’t complain too much about that one – maybe I’ll lose some weight. Stomach still seems really full and bloaty and I’m struggling with nausea periodically. Otherwise, everything’s fine. Brian fixed our driveway security light which will be really nice. We planted a new tree type thingy and some flowers in the front – I remember now why we pay people to do yard work for us. I like the outcome, but not the work. We’ll see how much of it lives. Guess that’s it for now.

4/23/10 – Negative, but still feel weird

Well, the HPT was negative. I still haven’t had anything much and still feel “wonky”. I’m thinking that I may take another HPT next week just to be extra sure. My body just doesn’t feel quite right lately, especially this week - weird abdominal pains and full feeling even when I’m hungry, etc. We’ll see what happens.

4/21/10 – Not so sure

So, now I’m not so sure. I had a bunch of pain/cramping yesterday (which is unusual for me), but not much in the way of AF. Still not much today either. I had some pain this morning when I first woke up and a few twinges throughout the day, but mostly I just feel bloat-y and tired. I’m thinking that I may take a HPT tomorrow morning just to be certain. The uncertainty is the worst.

4/20/10 – Definitely not

So, I’m definitely not pregnant and popping lots of Midol today. We went running this morning which was great. Crossing my fingers for next month! :)

4/19/10 – It’s the week

So this is the week that I found out if I got pregnant this month or not. It’ll be nice to know. I’m thinking no and I just got a tiny hint that it’s no, but we’ll know for sure in a couple days. I will actually be a-ok if it’s a no this month because I’m really hoping for next month since the timing would be much better. I just signed me and Brian up for the Jazzercise on Location in Vegas for my birthday weekend of 2011, so hopefully things will time okay with that. If not, I guess I’ll have to try to return or sell my tickets. I’m hoping it works out okay because it looks like a bunch of fun and we’ve wanted to go to Vegas. Keep you posted…

4/15/10 – Back to Wondering

So, I’m back in that time of the month where I wonder if every little feeling is PMS or a possible pregnancy. I didn’t sleep well last night and I don’t feel too great today. I’ve been nauseated, bloaty, and tired pretty much all day. Most likely it’s just lack of sleep and a bout of PMS, but of course I wonder anyway. Well, guess we’ll find out in about a week.

4/12/10 – Sunday Questions

So, on Sunday, at church, one of our friends not-so-subtly asked Brian about the baby thing. He dodged the question. It’s funny though because we get the impression that we might be giving off a more baby interested vibe. Anyway, we’ll see what happens. I’m much more relaxed about it this month. In part, it’s because this would sort of be a bad month to get pregnant. If I did, the baby would be due at the end of December which is just in time for year-end (aka busy season) at work. So, I’m actually hoping for next month. But, of course, it’s not up to me really.

4/9/10 – Update

I’ve been swamped at work this week so that’s made the week go by very fast. Supposedly, I’m in my fertile week. We’ve been enjoying being active. It’s odd to wonder if it’s happening yet or not. A little life could start at any moment and I won’t know. You would think you should know when something that monumental happens inside your body. Heck! It’s a foreign object and virtually a parasitic alien inside your body. How do you not know instantly when you have one!?! I’m back to a point where every little odd feeling makes me wonder. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s probably nothing and regardless I have no way of knowing until the end of the month. I waiver between excitement and anticipation at the thought and shear panic that screams, “what the heck are you thinking?!” I’m sure there is plenty more of that in store, if and when it actually happens. In the meantime, it’s all about patience, particularly in the area of not knowing.

4/1/10 – Busy, but not entirely distracted

I’m busy at work, but not entirely distracted. Tomorrow starts Easter weekend and the beginning of my “fertile time”. I hate even thinking of it that way, but I am. Some friends just found out they’re having a boy. It makes me think how exciting it will be for me and Brian if/when that happens. Weird, but cool thought. Gotta get back to work, but had to get that thought off my mind.

3/29/10 – Productive Weekend

The garage sale was definitely a success. We sold Brian’s truck, emptied the garage, and made a tidy sum of money. We now have both cars parked in the garage. I’ll deposit the money this afternoon and we’ll be about a month closer to being debt free than we were before the garage sale. Not bad for a weekend of exhaustion. I’m so glad it’s a 3 day weekend coming up. I need it.

3/26/10 – Temporary Rules and Re-directing Focus

So I’ve made up some temporary rules for myself in the interest of keeping my sanity. I am restricting myself from googling, e-window-shopping, or reading articles related to babies, pregnancy, etc. I’ve armed myself with all the information that I need at this stage, so any additional reading is leaning towards obsessive.


Instead, I’m focusing on the positive and channeling my energies into the various tasks at hand. First task at hand is a garage sale tomorrow. We are getting rid of a ton of stuff to make some space in the house and in the garage for the cars with the oh-so-wonderful side benefit of making some money. I started listing the positives of not being pregnant right now and here is what I came up with: I will be at least one month closer to being debt free when all of this goes down. I can still drink wine (had a glass last night and savored every sip). I can still eat sushi – yummy! (I’ll have to make sure to eat some this month, just in case.) I can still color my hair this weekend which is good because my roots are getting rather salty. I can try to lose some weight this month and can try to ramp up my workout schedule. Lastly, as my husband pointed out, we can still have lots of fun trying.

3/25/10 – How I Got Where I Am

"As mentioned, I'm beginning to post the blog that I've been keeping offline for a couple months now.  This documents a little about how I ended up pregnant (after having firmly convinced all family and friends that it was never going to happen) and was really just a place for me to vent.  The first one is a bit long (sorry), but the rest get much shorter once I cleared my head.  Happy reading!"

I can’t concentrate and I’m so ADD and emotional right now that I figure I’ve got to find a place to pour out all that’s on my mind so that I can get back to normal. I got my period over the last day or two and it’s never made me so sad. It’s super weird for me. I never thought I wanted this, but here I am. I’ve been off the birth control for one month (after being on it for a decade) and although I knew it was statistically unlikely, I was hopeful in some small way. Over the past month I’ve had a myriad of symptoms that left me wondering, “Am I pregnant or are these just changes due to coming off the pill?” I now know the answer and I’m not sure that I feel any better. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions.


Yesterday I had two friends announce their pregnancies. For the first time, I found myself wishing it was me and being a tad envious. It’s so odd because that’s never been the case before. My usual, internal reaction has been more of an “another one bites the dust” attitude. I was really thinking that I would be childless by choice and it was hard when all the couples we knew started having babies. Rounds of baby showers ensued. I’ve never been a squeal-y, babies-are-so-cute kind of girl, so this presented a whole new domain of social awkwardness for me. Then the questions started, “So when are you going to start a family? Or have babies?” I’m standing there thinking, “Hubby and I are a family. Why does everyone seem to think you must have a kid to have a family?” Instead, I would politely respond that I don’t know if or when we’ll ever have any children and that I just don’t really have a desire for that. Say that aloud to any number of baby-makin’ Baptist women and see what kind of looks you get. After the initial shocked look, they sort of turn their head to the side and start looking at you like you’ve suddenly developed a third eye or an arm growing out of your head. Of course, they respond warmly and politely but I knew that they just didn't get me (nor I them, for that matter).  So how did I get here and where do I go from here?

Last summer, my cousin and his wife had a baby. We went to the hospital to see him and hold him and such and I felt that first little tug. It was a small feeling that maybe I did want one of those and maybe I didn’t want to miss out on that experience. Part of me wanted to just stop the birth control right away and just take the plunge, but on a larger scale I figured the feeling would pass. It did and I was glad that I didn’t say anything to hubby. I had an inkling that he probably wanted kids more than he was letting on and that he just wasn’t saying anything because he knew where I was on that topic. I didn’t want to get his hopes up and then change my mind. Months passed and occasionally thoughts would cross my mind, but nothing significant. At the beginning of this year, it started creeping up again. At this point, I’m 30, we’ve been married for 5 years, our finances and careers are in a good place and it really would be a good time. No, I don’t hear some stupid, cliché biological clock ticking. I just know that it’s about time to make a yes or no decision. I had always thought that maybe God didn’t give me that desire because I wasn’t supposed to have a kid and I maintained that if He really wanted me to have a kid He could make it happen (either by defeating the birth control or changing my heart). One night, I really, honestly prayed about it. I confessed that I probably hadn’t made my heart very open to the idea and opened myself up to God’s will for that in my life. It wasn’t long before hubby and I had the talk that would precipitate all of this. While we were cooking dinner one night in February, I prompted hubby to be really honest with me about his desires. He confessed to really wanting a baby and to keeping that to himself somewhat because he was worried about my reaction. So after some talking, cooking, and sipping of wine, we toasted our decision to go off the pill at the end of the month.

I figured it would be no big deal. I would go off the pill and we would just see what happens. The whole concept of “trying to conceive” seemed silly to me. Just have fun and see what happens! I get it a little more now. We made an appointment with our family doctor for our annual physicals and a sort of pre-conception visit (even though our appointment would be about 3 weeks into my first pill free month). I found myself wishing for the end of my current pill pack and then just skipping the last pill before the placebo week figuring it didn’t really matter and I was ready to get started. The adventure began at the end of February. Funny, once I made the decision, I pretty much threw myself into it. Hubby continues to think it’s really cute and he’s loving this new side to me (meanwhile I’m not so sure and yet relishing it all). I started with looking at all the different baby stuff, particularly cribs and daycares, and trying to figure out how we would re-do the guest room into a baby room and fit this new baby into our lives. What can I say? I’m an analytical, planner type and this is just what I do. If I’m going to do something, I want to do it right. Before long I’m reading up on pregnancy symptoms, nutrition, and even ovulation stuff. What the heck! I find myself frequently distracted at work with thoughts about this whole baby thing. By the time we get to the doctor’s office, I find us discussing ovulation, pre-natal vitamins, planning sex for certain times and quick conceptions. Weird!

It’s weird and wonderful at the same time. I love that I get to go through this with my hubby and best friend. The past month or so has been difficult in some ways. We’re not telling anyone about all of this, hence the need to pour it all out here. Sometimes I wish I could talk to a gal pal about this, but I feel like at least getting it all out in writing is helping. Most of our friends and family have actually come to accept that we aren’t having kids, so we can’t wait to see the shocked look on their faces when we finally get to tell them that we’re pregnant. It’ll be so much more fun if no one even suspects that we’re trying!

So, today, I find myself a little sad that I’m not pregnant. So, I’m going to remind myself of a few things: Statistically, I’m very likely to get pregnant this year. Stop stressing and obsessing – it’s not healthy and frankly I’m freaking myself out a bit. Be happy for those that are preggers – they’ve been here too and someday I’ll be there and I hope everyone is happy for me. And lastly, I’ve always upheld that I could live a happy and fulfilled life without a child and that is still true, so if it doesn’t happen, I will be just fine. So, here’s to having some fun on Easter weekend!

It's Been a While

It's been a while since I've blogged.  I've been blogging offline temporarily - the writing is much more honest when I don't know if anyone else will ever read it.  I may post it at some point, but for now I'm a virtual iceberg (which sounds good with the summer heating up). 

Brian and I will be heading off to serve at a Joni and Friends Family Retreat in about a month.  Pray that God will use us as his tools during that time and that our hearts and minds will be open to what he has to reveal to us.  I'm both nervous and excited.  Earlier this month we participated in an Engage Sunday with our church where we went out and worked in the community on Sunday morning instead of going to church.  It was an eye-opening experience (and some hard work).  We've really enjoyed getting back involved with our church and in starting to try to serve more. 

I've got leftover Thai food calling my name, so as one of my co-workers would say, peace out!