It's official! Brian and I are signed up with The Heights Team World Vision (TWV) group to run the innaugural Dallas 13.1 Half-Marathon! I'm nervous and I'm excited. Although I've run two half-marathons before, this will be the first since I've had the baby. In other words, I'm heavier and not in as good of shape as I was for my previous two half-marathons. This ups the challenge. I wanted to be on TWV last year, but being entirely too pregnant at the time, that didn't seem advisable. (Actually, as it turned out, the Monday after the White Rock Marathon/Half-Marathon that TWV did last year was when I ended up in the hospital for my bedrest.)
I'm doing this for a couple of reasons:
One is the obvious quest to get my body back. Hopefully the training will get me in better shape and help me drop some pounds. My goal here is to finish and it would be nice if my time was somewhere close to 3 hours (if I recall correctly, my previous finish times were just over 3 hours).
The more important one is to raise money for World Vision. The Heights team will specifically be raising money for an ongoing water project in Uganda. Please visit my fundraising page here and consider contributing any amount you can. My goal here is at least $50 per mile which is $655.
Wish me luck! :)
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Monday, August 8, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Naomi's Baby Dedication
A couple of weeks ago, we had Naomi's baby dedication at church. For those unfamiliar with baby dedications, it is similar to infant baptism (at least in the Methodist church) except without the water sprinkling. It is a time when family, friends, and church gather to bless/pray over the baby and commit to surround the baby with Christian love.
It was very meaningful for us and Naomi was a trooper through the whole thing. She played with my hair and necklace, which was cute, and was a very sweet girl while Bill held her to pray. Afterward, we went out to brunch with our family. All in all a good time.
We didn't get too many pictures of the dedication, since we didn't have our camera and were standing up front with baby. But here are a couple that Brian's mom, Emily, took.
P.S. Thank you Jacque Swanner for my cute dress. Love, Naomi!
It was very meaningful for us and Naomi was a trooper through the whole thing. She played with my hair and necklace, which was cute, and was a very sweet girl while Bill held her to pray. Afterward, we went out to brunch with our family. All in all a good time.
We didn't get too many pictures of the dedication, since we didn't have our camera and were standing up front with baby. But here are a couple that Brian's mom, Emily, took.
P.S. Thank you Jacque Swanner for my cute dress. Love, Naomi!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Just Some Thoughts...
I find myself constantly marveling at the unexpected turns my life has taken over the last couple years and at how much I love where I ended up. It's truely surreal sometimes.
When I married Brian over six years ago, we told family that we wouldn't even discuss kids until we were married for at least 5 years. Brian and I had discussed it though (before getting married) and he knew that I was on the fence, unsure if I wanted to choose that adventure (I loved choose your own adventure books as a kid). He had faith that we would have a wonderful life together regardless. Although, I do think it's really beneficial to have a few years under your belt as a married couple before having kids, the 5 year thing really was just something to tell people to end the inquiries. It just so happened that a few months before our 5 year anniversary, we decided together to choose that adventure. And as God would have it, it was our time. Funny how that worked out.
Then, when I found out I was pregnant, I started preparing for my new life as a working mom. I started looking at various childcare options. I thought about my maternity leave, how it would work with my work schedule and job duties, and how I could make that as smooth as possible for my "work family". We figured we would be doing a lot of pumping and bottling, etc. Unexpected turn ahead: my company was acquired and practically my entire department was eliminated as the acquiring company absorbed our function. I found out in my 3rd trimester (probably about a week or so before I went into the hospital on bedrest) and my official layoff date was during my maternity leave. We ended up deciding that I would be a Stay At Home Mom. Me, the chick who didn't even know if she wanted a kid, is now a SAHM! What's even more shocking is how much I love it. Honestly I sometimes miss working - I miss the adult interraction / my work friends, I miss using my degree, I miss my deadlines, etc. But, I'm so blessed to be home with her every day watching her learn and grow.
And here is my big realization. A lot of people will say that they can't imagine their life without their kids. Well, I won't say that because it's not true. I can imagine my life without my baby girl and frankly there is a lot more freedom and a lot more discretionary income involved (and less poop, pee, and baby barf). However, I will say that I can no longer imagine my heart without her. At the end of the Christmas story of the Grinch, they say "...his heart grew 3 sizes that day...". Well something like that happened when we had Naomi and began even as she was growing in my belly. I love both Brian and Naomi so much it sometimes hurts. I feel things so much more deeply now (example: I teared up during flashback scenes in Harry Potter of Harry as a baby). After some initial trials, my faith is so much stronger. My life isn't quite how I imagined it, but it's exactly how God planned it and as He would say, "It is good". :)
When I married Brian over six years ago, we told family that we wouldn't even discuss kids until we were married for at least 5 years. Brian and I had discussed it though (before getting married) and he knew that I was on the fence, unsure if I wanted to choose that adventure (I loved choose your own adventure books as a kid). He had faith that we would have a wonderful life together regardless. Although, I do think it's really beneficial to have a few years under your belt as a married couple before having kids, the 5 year thing really was just something to tell people to end the inquiries. It just so happened that a few months before our 5 year anniversary, we decided together to choose that adventure. And as God would have it, it was our time. Funny how that worked out.
Then, when I found out I was pregnant, I started preparing for my new life as a working mom. I started looking at various childcare options. I thought about my maternity leave, how it would work with my work schedule and job duties, and how I could make that as smooth as possible for my "work family". We figured we would be doing a lot of pumping and bottling, etc. Unexpected turn ahead: my company was acquired and practically my entire department was eliminated as the acquiring company absorbed our function. I found out in my 3rd trimester (probably about a week or so before I went into the hospital on bedrest) and my official layoff date was during my maternity leave. We ended up deciding that I would be a Stay At Home Mom. Me, the chick who didn't even know if she wanted a kid, is now a SAHM! What's even more shocking is how much I love it. Honestly I sometimes miss working - I miss the adult interraction / my work friends, I miss using my degree, I miss my deadlines, etc. But, I'm so blessed to be home with her every day watching her learn and grow.
And here is my big realization. A lot of people will say that they can't imagine their life without their kids. Well, I won't say that because it's not true. I can imagine my life without my baby girl and frankly there is a lot more freedom and a lot more discretionary income involved (and less poop, pee, and baby barf). However, I will say that I can no longer imagine my heart without her. At the end of the Christmas story of the Grinch, they say "...his heart grew 3 sizes that day...". Well something like that happened when we had Naomi and began even as she was growing in my belly. I love both Brian and Naomi so much it sometimes hurts. I feel things so much more deeply now (example: I teared up during flashback scenes in Harry Potter of Harry as a baby). After some initial trials, my faith is so much stronger. My life isn't quite how I imagined it, but it's exactly how God planned it and as He would say, "It is good". :)
Sunday, May 8, 2011
My Accidental SAHM Status
So, for those that don't know, I received notice of my impending lay-off during my third trimester and my official last day was February 25th, during my maternity leave. Somehow, I have become an accidental SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom). I have never envisioned this for my life. In fact, I wasn't even too sure about the whole motherhood thing to begin with. Becoming a mom was the single biggest act of faith in my whole life. Once we decided to have a child, I pictured myself going back to work and planned for pumping, bottling, daycare, and all that stuff. Clearly God had other plans for me.
Once Brian and I learned of my pending unemployment, we began to start thinking about whether or not we wanted me to just go ahead and stay home with Naomi and if we could manage that financially. Fortunately, it does look like this is possible, although it will be a bit of a lifestyle adjustment. Brian kinda wants me to stay home with her, but is okay with whatever I decide to do. I have no idea what I want to do. Part of me misses working and part of me just can't imagine leaving her. It may also be a good time for me to try to finally get my CPA, which at this point will probably take a couple of extra classes (as requirements have changed slightly since my graduation) and a serious review course. It's a lot of time and money though. Or, I could even go a completely different direction. Maybe, I could even find something that I could do from home, who knows? So, what to do?
At this point, I have finally applied for unemployment. This requires a certain number of job search activities a week. So, I am meeting my requirements and have even applied for a couple of positions (half hoping that my resume gets lost in the shuffle). Meanwhile I've been finally getting my house in order (something I meant to do before Naomi arrived) and just doing my best to enjoy my time with our baby. Otherwise, I figure we are just waiting. Waiting for God to make clear the path, to find out if He means for me to just have an extended maternity leave of sorts or for me to stay at home with little girl for a while. This morning at church, a friend of ours asked who was taking care of the baby and I explained about my layoff and our current situation. She immediately said, "Maybe it's a God thing!" Maybe it is; I've had that thought a lot since all of these wheels got set in motion. I stepped out on faith when I embarked on this journey and now I just have to keep faith in His plan and provision for our lives. So, say a little prayer for us and if you know of any way that I can be both a stay at home mom and an accountant, let me know. :)
Once Brian and I learned of my pending unemployment, we began to start thinking about whether or not we wanted me to just go ahead and stay home with Naomi and if we could manage that financially. Fortunately, it does look like this is possible, although it will be a bit of a lifestyle adjustment. Brian kinda wants me to stay home with her, but is okay with whatever I decide to do. I have no idea what I want to do. Part of me misses working and part of me just can't imagine leaving her. It may also be a good time for me to try to finally get my CPA, which at this point will probably take a couple of extra classes (as requirements have changed slightly since my graduation) and a serious review course. It's a lot of time and money though. Or, I could even go a completely different direction. Maybe, I could even find something that I could do from home, who knows? So, what to do?
At this point, I have finally applied for unemployment. This requires a certain number of job search activities a week. So, I am meeting my requirements and have even applied for a couple of positions (half hoping that my resume gets lost in the shuffle). Meanwhile I've been finally getting my house in order (something I meant to do before Naomi arrived) and just doing my best to enjoy my time with our baby. Otherwise, I figure we are just waiting. Waiting for God to make clear the path, to find out if He means for me to just have an extended maternity leave of sorts or for me to stay at home with little girl for a while. This morning at church, a friend of ours asked who was taking care of the baby and I explained about my layoff and our current situation. She immediately said, "Maybe it's a God thing!" Maybe it is; I've had that thought a lot since all of these wheels got set in motion. I stepped out on faith when I embarked on this journey and now I just have to keep faith in His plan and provision for our lives. So, say a little prayer for us and if you know of any way that I can be both a stay at home mom and an accountant, let me know. :)
Monday, December 27, 2010
End of Week 3 and A Merry Christmas
We've made it to the end of week 3 and have had a Merry Christmas in the hospital. This week went by really fast. On Tuesday night, we had the last of our baby prep classes, breast-pumping and returning to work. Although I won't have a job to return to, I am still currently planning on going back to work. We'll see what God has in store for us on that front. Wednesday, I had a visitor from church and Brian won a pass to get off work early, so that day flew by.
Thursday, I had lots of visitors. My wonderful work peeps surprised me around lunch time with a sort of impromptu baby shower/gift. I'm normally not big on surprises but this one was a great one and very much appreciated! After that, I had some family from Houston stop by and drop off some candy and some cute stuff for Naomi. Then I had a Jazzercise student and my parents visit right after Brian got here (he got off work early again since his office closed early for the holiday). Then, later in the evening, we were skyped into some family Christmas festivities. It was certainly unique and it was nice to be included and get to be apart of things.
Christmas Eve, Brian's family (Emily, Alex, and Terah) brought dinner up to us (yummy! great smoked turkey and sides) and we visited and opened up gifts. Naomi got spoiled a bit again (yay!). Everytime we get something for Naomi, we feel just a little more ready for her arrival. Christmas Day, some of my family brought lunch up and we also visited and opened up gifts. I actually took a wheelchair ride down to some tables and chairs in the atrium for us to munch. It was a fun visit. The day after Christmas brought the last of our celebrations as some more of my family came up to visit and exchange gifts. Another nice visit and a good close to our holiday festivities.
Otherwise feeling pretty good. I've pulled a couple bad bp numbers here and there, my swelling is up a bit the last couple days and I'm having some warm-up contractions but nothing abnormal. I'll be getting another round of labs and urine test starting tomorrow morning, just to monitor things and make sure that I'm staying steady. I'll be 36 weeks on Wednesday - just a couple more weeks to go! We're getting close to scheduling the induction according to the doctor (still planning for 38 weeks); we're doing my Group B test tomorrow (a standard test for some infection that could hurt the baby if I have it). I'm cheered to think that I'm over halfway through my stay here. Well, finishing watching Elf and some football. Will keep you posted!
Thursday, I had lots of visitors. My wonderful work peeps surprised me around lunch time with a sort of impromptu baby shower/gift. I'm normally not big on surprises but this one was a great one and very much appreciated! After that, I had some family from Houston stop by and drop off some candy and some cute stuff for Naomi. Then I had a Jazzercise student and my parents visit right after Brian got here (he got off work early again since his office closed early for the holiday). Then, later in the evening, we were skyped into some family Christmas festivities. It was certainly unique and it was nice to be included and get to be apart of things.
Christmas Eve, Brian's family (Emily, Alex, and Terah) brought dinner up to us (yummy! great smoked turkey and sides) and we visited and opened up gifts. Naomi got spoiled a bit again (yay!). Everytime we get something for Naomi, we feel just a little more ready for her arrival. Christmas Day, some of my family brought lunch up and we also visited and opened up gifts. I actually took a wheelchair ride down to some tables and chairs in the atrium for us to munch. It was a fun visit. The day after Christmas brought the last of our celebrations as some more of my family came up to visit and exchange gifts. Another nice visit and a good close to our holiday festivities.
Otherwise feeling pretty good. I've pulled a couple bad bp numbers here and there, my swelling is up a bit the last couple days and I'm having some warm-up contractions but nothing abnormal. I'll be getting another round of labs and urine test starting tomorrow morning, just to monitor things and make sure that I'm staying steady. I'll be 36 weeks on Wednesday - just a couple more weeks to go! We're getting close to scheduling the induction according to the doctor (still planning for 38 weeks); we're doing my Group B test tomorrow (a standard test for some infection that could hurt the baby if I have it). I'm cheered to think that I'm over halfway through my stay here. Well, finishing watching Elf and some football. Will keep you posted!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Quick Note - More to Follow
Hi all! Just a quick note since I'm recovering from an AMAZING week at camp. I'll be blogging about my experience at Joni and Friends Family Retreat shortly (as soon as I catch up on rest and laundry).
Pregnancy wise, I was blessed with several good days at camp (I had really prayed for this) - I had very little nausea and my nap during break time plus the constant activity helped combat the sleepies. The first few days of this week were almost like payback though. Monday I could barely drag myself out of bed, but it's been getting better each day as I get back to a more normal routine and get some sleep. Today was a pretty good day.
I'm off to eat a handful of cereal and go to bed. Night ya'll!
Pregnancy wise, I was blessed with several good days at camp (I had really prayed for this) - I had very little nausea and my nap during break time plus the constant activity helped combat the sleepies. The first few days of this week were almost like payback though. Monday I could barely drag myself out of bed, but it's been getting better each day as I get back to a more normal routine and get some sleep. Today was a pretty good day.
I'm off to eat a handful of cereal and go to bed. Night ya'll!
Friday, June 18, 2010
5/19/10 – Waiting…
There’s still no sign of AF, so still waiting. She usually comes to visit on Wednesday (today).
5/18/10 – Patience…
So, as much as I’m trying not to, I’m getting a bit anxious. It’s Tuesday and so far, no sign of AF. I know Brian is really anxious too, he really wants it to happen. Must be patient!
5/17/10 – Nice Weekend
Overall we had a nice weekend. I taught quite a bit so it’s nice to have a day off from working out today. Otherwise we managed to relax quite a bit, get caught up on tv, watch a movie and get a few things done around the house. This week we’ll be working on getting our house cleaned up for having some friends over next weekend. It always helps us to have an excuse to have to get it done.
On another note this is my dot week, so we’ll see if there is any big news or if there is no change. I’m trying to just relax about it since it’s out of my control and I’m just going to have to be patient, but I’m kinda curious. I could swear this past week that certain assets have been getting just a little bigger. It’s another exercise in patience and trusting in God’s plan.
On another note this is my dot week, so we’ll see if there is any big news or if there is no change. I’m trying to just relax about it since it’s out of my control and I’m just going to have to be patient, but I’m kinda curious. I could swear this past week that certain assets have been getting just a little bigger. It’s another exercise in patience and trusting in God’s plan.
Friday, June 11, 2010
3/25/10 – How I Got Where I Am
"As mentioned, I'm beginning to post the blog that I've been keeping offline for a couple months now. This documents a little about how I ended up pregnant (after having firmly convinced all family and friends that it was never going to happen) and was really just a place for me to vent. The first one is a bit long (sorry), but the rest get much shorter once I cleared my head. Happy reading!"
I can’t concentrate and I’m so ADD and emotional right now that I figure I’ve got to find a place to pour out all that’s on my mind so that I can get back to normal. I got my period over the last day or two and it’s never made me so sad. It’s super weird for me. I never thought I wanted this, but here I am. I’ve been off the birth control for one month (after being on it for a decade) and although I knew it was statistically unlikely, I was hopeful in some small way. Over the past month I’ve had a myriad of symptoms that left me wondering, “Am I pregnant or are these just changes due to coming off the pill?” I now know the answer and I’m not sure that I feel any better. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions.
Yesterday I had two friends announce their pregnancies. For the first time, I found myself wishing it was me and being a tad envious. It’s so odd because that’s never been the case before. My usual, internal reaction has been more of an “another one bites the dust” attitude. I was really thinking that I would be childless by choice and it was hard when all the couples we knew started having babies. Rounds of baby showers ensued. I’ve never been a squeal-y, babies-are-so-cute kind of girl, so this presented a whole new domain of social awkwardness for me. Then the questions started, “So when are you going to start a family? Or have babies?” I’m standing there thinking, “Hubby and I are a family. Why does everyone seem to think you must have a kid to have a family?” Instead, I would politely respond that I don’t know if or when we’ll ever have any children and that I just don’t really have a desire for that. Say that aloud to any number of baby-makin’ Baptist women and see what kind of looks you get. After the initial shocked look, they sort of turn their head to the side and start looking at you like you’ve suddenly developed a third eye or an arm growing out of your head. Of course, they respond warmly and politely but I knew that they just didn't get me (nor I them, for that matter). So how did I get here and where do I go from here?
Last summer, my cousin and his wife had a baby. We went to the hospital to see him and hold him and such and I felt that first little tug. It was a small feeling that maybe I did want one of those and maybe I didn’t want to miss out on that experience. Part of me wanted to just stop the birth control right away and just take the plunge, but on a larger scale I figured the feeling would pass. It did and I was glad that I didn’t say anything to hubby. I had an inkling that he probably wanted kids more than he was letting on and that he just wasn’t saying anything because he knew where I was on that topic. I didn’t want to get his hopes up and then change my mind. Months passed and occasionally thoughts would cross my mind, but nothing significant. At the beginning of this year, it started creeping up again. At this point, I’m 30, we’ve been married for 5 years, our finances and careers are in a good place and it really would be a good time. No, I don’t hear some stupid, cliché biological clock ticking. I just know that it’s about time to make a yes or no decision. I had always thought that maybe God didn’t give me that desire because I wasn’t supposed to have a kid and I maintained that if He really wanted me to have a kid He could make it happen (either by defeating the birth control or changing my heart). One night, I really, honestly prayed about it. I confessed that I probably hadn’t made my heart very open to the idea and opened myself up to God’s will for that in my life. It wasn’t long before hubby and I had the talk that would precipitate all of this. While we were cooking dinner one night in February, I prompted hubby to be really honest with me about his desires. He confessed to really wanting a baby and to keeping that to himself somewhat because he was worried about my reaction. So after some talking, cooking, and sipping of wine, we toasted our decision to go off the pill at the end of the month.
I figured it would be no big deal. I would go off the pill and we would just see what happens. The whole concept of “trying to conceive” seemed silly to me. Just have fun and see what happens! I get it a little more now. We made an appointment with our family doctor for our annual physicals and a sort of pre-conception visit (even though our appointment would be about 3 weeks into my first pill free month). I found myself wishing for the end of my current pill pack and then just skipping the last pill before the placebo week figuring it didn’t really matter and I was ready to get started. The adventure began at the end of February. Funny, once I made the decision, I pretty much threw myself into it. Hubby continues to think it’s really cute and he’s loving this new side to me (meanwhile I’m not so sure and yet relishing it all). I started with looking at all the different baby stuff, particularly cribs and daycares, and trying to figure out how we would re-do the guest room into a baby room and fit this new baby into our lives. What can I say? I’m an analytical, planner type and this is just what I do. If I’m going to do something, I want to do it right. Before long I’m reading up on pregnancy symptoms, nutrition, and even ovulation stuff. What the heck! I find myself frequently distracted at work with thoughts about this whole baby thing. By the time we get to the doctor’s office, I find us discussing ovulation, pre-natal vitamins, planning sex for certain times and quick conceptions. Weird!
It’s weird and wonderful at the same time. I love that I get to go through this with my hubby and best friend. The past month or so has been difficult in some ways. We’re not telling anyone about all of this, hence the need to pour it all out here. Sometimes I wish I could talk to a gal pal about this, but I feel like at least getting it all out in writing is helping. Most of our friends and family have actually come to accept that we aren’t having kids, so we can’t wait to see the shocked look on their faces when we finally get to tell them that we’re pregnant. It’ll be so much more fun if no one even suspects that we’re trying!
So, today, I find myself a little sad that I’m not pregnant. So, I’m going to remind myself of a few things: Statistically, I’m very likely to get pregnant this year. Stop stressing and obsessing – it’s not healthy and frankly I’m freaking myself out a bit. Be happy for those that are preggers – they’ve been here too and someday I’ll be there and I hope everyone is happy for me. And lastly, I’ve always upheld that I could live a happy and fulfilled life without a child and that is still true, so if it doesn’t happen, I will be just fine. So, here’s to having some fun on Easter weekend!
I can’t concentrate and I’m so ADD and emotional right now that I figure I’ve got to find a place to pour out all that’s on my mind so that I can get back to normal. I got my period over the last day or two and it’s never made me so sad. It’s super weird for me. I never thought I wanted this, but here I am. I’ve been off the birth control for one month (after being on it for a decade) and although I knew it was statistically unlikely, I was hopeful in some small way. Over the past month I’ve had a myriad of symptoms that left me wondering, “Am I pregnant or are these just changes due to coming off the pill?” I now know the answer and I’m not sure that I feel any better. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions.
Yesterday I had two friends announce their pregnancies. For the first time, I found myself wishing it was me and being a tad envious. It’s so odd because that’s never been the case before. My usual, internal reaction has been more of an “another one bites the dust” attitude. I was really thinking that I would be childless by choice and it was hard when all the couples we knew started having babies. Rounds of baby showers ensued. I’ve never been a squeal-y, babies-are-so-cute kind of girl, so this presented a whole new domain of social awkwardness for me. Then the questions started, “So when are you going to start a family? Or have babies?” I’m standing there thinking, “Hubby and I are a family. Why does everyone seem to think you must have a kid to have a family?” Instead, I would politely respond that I don’t know if or when we’ll ever have any children and that I just don’t really have a desire for that. Say that aloud to any number of baby-makin’ Baptist women and see what kind of looks you get. After the initial shocked look, they sort of turn their head to the side and start looking at you like you’ve suddenly developed a third eye or an arm growing out of your head. Of course, they respond warmly and politely but I knew that they just didn't get me (nor I them, for that matter). So how did I get here and where do I go from here?
Last summer, my cousin and his wife had a baby. We went to the hospital to see him and hold him and such and I felt that first little tug. It was a small feeling that maybe I did want one of those and maybe I didn’t want to miss out on that experience. Part of me wanted to just stop the birth control right away and just take the plunge, but on a larger scale I figured the feeling would pass. It did and I was glad that I didn’t say anything to hubby. I had an inkling that he probably wanted kids more than he was letting on and that he just wasn’t saying anything because he knew where I was on that topic. I didn’t want to get his hopes up and then change my mind. Months passed and occasionally thoughts would cross my mind, but nothing significant. At the beginning of this year, it started creeping up again. At this point, I’m 30, we’ve been married for 5 years, our finances and careers are in a good place and it really would be a good time. No, I don’t hear some stupid, cliché biological clock ticking. I just know that it’s about time to make a yes or no decision. I had always thought that maybe God didn’t give me that desire because I wasn’t supposed to have a kid and I maintained that if He really wanted me to have a kid He could make it happen (either by defeating the birth control or changing my heart). One night, I really, honestly prayed about it. I confessed that I probably hadn’t made my heart very open to the idea and opened myself up to God’s will for that in my life. It wasn’t long before hubby and I had the talk that would precipitate all of this. While we were cooking dinner one night in February, I prompted hubby to be really honest with me about his desires. He confessed to really wanting a baby and to keeping that to himself somewhat because he was worried about my reaction. So after some talking, cooking, and sipping of wine, we toasted our decision to go off the pill at the end of the month.
I figured it would be no big deal. I would go off the pill and we would just see what happens. The whole concept of “trying to conceive” seemed silly to me. Just have fun and see what happens! I get it a little more now. We made an appointment with our family doctor for our annual physicals and a sort of pre-conception visit (even though our appointment would be about 3 weeks into my first pill free month). I found myself wishing for the end of my current pill pack and then just skipping the last pill before the placebo week figuring it didn’t really matter and I was ready to get started. The adventure began at the end of February. Funny, once I made the decision, I pretty much threw myself into it. Hubby continues to think it’s really cute and he’s loving this new side to me (meanwhile I’m not so sure and yet relishing it all). I started with looking at all the different baby stuff, particularly cribs and daycares, and trying to figure out how we would re-do the guest room into a baby room and fit this new baby into our lives. What can I say? I’m an analytical, planner type and this is just what I do. If I’m going to do something, I want to do it right. Before long I’m reading up on pregnancy symptoms, nutrition, and even ovulation stuff. What the heck! I find myself frequently distracted at work with thoughts about this whole baby thing. By the time we get to the doctor’s office, I find us discussing ovulation, pre-natal vitamins, planning sex for certain times and quick conceptions. Weird!
It’s weird and wonderful at the same time. I love that I get to go through this with my hubby and best friend. The past month or so has been difficult in some ways. We’re not telling anyone about all of this, hence the need to pour it all out here. Sometimes I wish I could talk to a gal pal about this, but I feel like at least getting it all out in writing is helping. Most of our friends and family have actually come to accept that we aren’t having kids, so we can’t wait to see the shocked look on their faces when we finally get to tell them that we’re pregnant. It’ll be so much more fun if no one even suspects that we’re trying!
So, today, I find myself a little sad that I’m not pregnant. So, I’m going to remind myself of a few things: Statistically, I’m very likely to get pregnant this year. Stop stressing and obsessing – it’s not healthy and frankly I’m freaking myself out a bit. Be happy for those that are preggers – they’ve been here too and someday I’ll be there and I hope everyone is happy for me. And lastly, I’ve always upheld that I could live a happy and fulfilled life without a child and that is still true, so if it doesn’t happen, I will be just fine. So, here’s to having some fun on Easter weekend!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Monday Night Movie
So normally my Monday night is just me as Brian has class pretty much all evening. But, due to the interference of a day training class he is taking this week, I got to come home to hubby, dinner and a movie. Long story made short...
Tuesdays With Morrie on a Monday. What a great movie! I have the book and am now so excited to start reading it. So excited, that I'll be taking a brief break from all the other books that I'm in the middle of to tunnel through it. Brian and I cried through several parts of it. I love that I married a man who will cry through a movie with me. I'm not exactly the touchy-feely-crying type so I'm so glad that I married someone who lets me embrace that side of me on the rare occassion that it comes out. Morrie makes a person really think... about a lot of things. For each person, it may be something slightly different. Watch it or read it and then listen to your little bird.
Tonight, my little bird told me to go ahead and have another bite of peanut butter fudge (makes me think of my beloved Gram) and to love, kiss, and hold my hubby. "Love one another or die"... Someday I'll die, but until then, I better love.
Tuesdays With Morrie on a Monday. What a great movie! I have the book and am now so excited to start reading it. So excited, that I'll be taking a brief break from all the other books that I'm in the middle of to tunnel through it. Brian and I cried through several parts of it. I love that I married a man who will cry through a movie with me. I'm not exactly the touchy-feely-crying type so I'm so glad that I married someone who lets me embrace that side of me on the rare occassion that it comes out. Morrie makes a person really think... about a lot of things. For each person, it may be something slightly different. Watch it or read it and then listen to your little bird.
Tonight, my little bird told me to go ahead and have another bite of peanut butter fudge (makes me think of my beloved Gram) and to love, kiss, and hold my hubby. "Love one another or die"... Someday I'll die, but until then, I better love.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Interesting Blog About Kids
So, today my friend at work forwarded me a link to an interesting blog, http://donthavekids.wordpress.com/ - she knows that I'm not so sure about the kid thing and she likes to tease me about it a little. She sends me pictures and videos of kids that have made huge messes of themselves and/or their surroundings. Then, she giggles at my look of horror and disgust. :) I'm not sure how kid-like I really was even as a kid.
Getting back to why I found the blog interesting: For starters, it's pretty humorous whether you like kids or not and whether you have them or not. Also, I also read some of the comments from the readers and was surprised how many people out there are "childless by choice" as they coin it. It led me to Google a few key phrases and I was surprised by some of the blogs and websites out there. Some were what I would call "less than kind" and some really spoke to me. Personally, I haven't definitively ruled out having children, but I also don't feel that need or have that desire. I have lots of friends who have and are having babies (hence the Preggo Pals and all the babies on my prayer list). I'm truely happy for them because I know that it is their heart's desire and that it brings them joy. At the same time, I don't get it and sometimes that makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. So, finding that there is a whole community of people out there who feel similarly to me is comforting.
For now, I'll stick with my current policy, the base of which is that it's all in God's hands. I have no plans of having children, but He may have other plans and I always trust His plan more than mine (after all His plan had Brian in it and left to my own devices I would have unwisely ended up with a lesser man). I trust that if it is His plan, then he'll lay that desire on my heart. I also trust that it may not be His plan and maybe that's why He hasn't ever given me that desire. Maybe God has other things in store for me...we shall see.
Getting back to why I found the blog interesting: For starters, it's pretty humorous whether you like kids or not and whether you have them or not. Also, I also read some of the comments from the readers and was surprised how many people out there are "childless by choice" as they coin it. It led me to Google a few key phrases and I was surprised by some of the blogs and websites out there. Some were what I would call "less than kind" and some really spoke to me. Personally, I haven't definitively ruled out having children, but I also don't feel that need or have that desire. I have lots of friends who have and are having babies (hence the Preggo Pals and all the babies on my prayer list). I'm truely happy for them because I know that it is their heart's desire and that it brings them joy. At the same time, I don't get it and sometimes that makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. So, finding that there is a whole community of people out there who feel similarly to me is comforting.
For now, I'll stick with my current policy, the base of which is that it's all in God's hands. I have no plans of having children, but He may have other plans and I always trust His plan more than mine (after all His plan had Brian in it and left to my own devices I would have unwisely ended up with a lesser man). I trust that if it is His plan, then he'll lay that desire on my heart. I also trust that it may not be His plan and maybe that's why He hasn't ever given me that desire. Maybe God has other things in store for me...we shall see.
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